


Oh Tones

by Earthsbestdefender



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Alternate Universe - No Powers, BAMF Pepper Potts, BAMF Tony Stark, But With a Dark Twist, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, I'm not gonna say specifics because spoilers, Proceed with caution, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Trigger Warnings!, but there's also some fluff!, but they're there, dun dun dun, except the power of their love, lots of trigger warnings!!!, pretty much all of them - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:42:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 36,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22109557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earthsbestdefender/pseuds/Earthsbestdefender
Summary: Pepper's not keen on her job. Tony's not keen on his life. They meet somewhere in the middle and just might have a path to happiness.Alternate title: The Ways in which I Die.
Relationships: Carol Danvers/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 14
Kudos: 82





	1. Gardenia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PinBitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinBitch/gifts).



> Your fic is finally here! Just on time for the deadline! I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> This fic is potentially very triggering. I don't want to spoil it so I'm not going to use specifics, just please proceed with caution.

Pepper ignores the small jingle of the bell above the door as some customer pushes their way into the small flower shop she’s been stuck working at for the past three years. The first few months at the job had been fun and the flowers had been pretty, now they’re just annoying and she’s ready for something new. Something without a bunch flower snobs telling her everything she says is wrong.

“Potts! See if they need anything will you!” Steve shouts from the back of the shop. She wishes she could take over doing inventory for him so she doesn’t have to talk to customers. He’s better at that sort of thing.

Instead of requesting the switch she just lets out a quiet groan of protest and leaves her safe customer free zone behind the checkout counter and goes out into the maze of noxiously colorful flowers to find the customer who had just come in. She finds him rocking on his heels quietly humming to himself while looking over the various selections of lilies.

“Can I help you?” Pepper asks trying not to sound deadpan.

The man tosses her a glance before turning his gaze back to the flowers. “I’m just looking around.”

“Let me know if you need anything.”

“A smile would be nice,” the man says turning to look at her again.

Pepper glares.

“I’m kidding,” he laughs. “I’m sure you have a very good reason to be unhappy.”

“Mhmm,” Pepper grunts.

“You have an excellent glare by the way,” he comments. “A plus for intimidation, but I gotta warn you, you might light all the flowers on fire with it.”

Pepper rolls her eyes. “Is there actually anything you need?”

“No, like I said just looking around,” he says with the slightest bit of a smile still on his handsome face.

“Let me know if you need anything other than a smile,” Pepper says.

“I’ll be sure too,” he replies as she turns and heads back to her place at the register.

There was something oddly charming about him that almost made her like him, but she’s still relieved he let her escape back to the counter, and strangely enough even more glad that she probably won’t have to talk to him again. People who come in to look around never end up buying anything.

“Did he need anything?” Steve asks coming down from the little loft with a stack of clay pots in his hands.

“No, he was just looking around.”

“Did you offer him any of the specials we have right now?” Steve demands sounding more annoyed than he usually does.

“No, he’s perfectly capable of reading signs all on his own.”

“You are a horrible salesperson,” Steve says with a sigh.

“And yet you hired me.”

“You were the only one who applied who wasn’t high on weed.”

“Right, so quit complaining.”

“Fine, I’ll go talk to the customer. You go stack the pots,” Steve grumbles and disappears into the shelves of flowers.

Pepper takes the pots to their proper corner and begins stacking them. She turns around to go back to the loft to get more and almost walks straight into the man she’d just been talking with. She jumps a little and step back just a little too far and knocks one of the small pots off the shelf. She cringes as the small red pot smashes to the hard ground and shatters.

“Sorry!” The man cries and makes his own small awkward jump back, surprise written on his almost annoyingly attractive face.

“Damn it,” Pepper groans under breath and she turns to look at the pot lying in pieces on the floor. “I just swept.

“I’m so sorry,” the man repeats, running a hand through his dark hair. “Do you want me to help clean that up? I really didn’t mean to scare you-”

“It’s fine. I’ll just um… you don’t have to help, you’re the customer,” Pepper says kneeling down on the floor to pick up the broken pieces of the pot. 

“What if the customer wants to help?” he asks crouching down next to her.

Pepper brushes the hair out of her face and looks at him in confusion. In all of her many days working at the flower shop a customer has never once offered to help clean up anything, whether it was their fault or not.

“Look, it’s fine, you really don’t have to help.”

“Well, I’m going to anyway,” he says with a smile, then offers her his hand. “I’m Tony by the way.”

“Pepper,” she replies and takes his hand. She can’t help but notice what looks like an old scar on his left wrist poking out from under his watch. For a few seconds she gets lost staring at it before Tony pulls his hand away from hers snapping her out of her momentary trance. “And uh… thanks for helping me clean this mess up.”

“I helped you make it,” Tony says with a cheerful shrug.

“I’m just not used to this from customers is all.”

“Well, it sounds like you have lame customers.”

“Most customers are very lame,” Pepper deadpans.

“You’re very grumpy for someone who works in a flower shop,” he comments grabbing up a handful of broken flower pot pieces.

“Oh really? What tipped you off?” Pepper says sarcastically.

“You know, I have no idea,” he says giving her a cheeky grin.

Pepper finds herself smiling too as they hold eye contact. It’s not awkward eye contact, she finds it rather peaceful, and Tony’s warm brown eyes make her feel warm and soft inside. She’s not sure why it makes her as happy as it does, but she’s not about to complain.

“How the hell did you wind up in here?”

Tony flinches at the harsh voice that snaps their attention away from each other. He hops to his feet quickly and dusts himself off.

“Sorry,” he apologizes to the tall woman standing a few feet away from them. “I was- you had that meeting, so I thought I’d pop off to find some flowers.”

The dark haired woman in the pants suit looks at him disapprovingly. “Then you decided to just play around on the floor with some broken pots?”

“He startled me and I accidentally knocked them over,” Pepper offers standing up next to Tony.

“Of course he did,” The woman says looking over her sunglasses at him. Pepper discovers that she despises just about everything about this woman.

“He was being polite and helping me clean up,” Pepper says bluntly filled with an unexplainable desire to defend Tony to this woman.

“Mhmm,” she snorts completely unmoved by the kindness Tony had shown. “Well now none of us are doing anything productive, so if you don’t mind I’m going to take  _ my  _ boyfriend and go before we’re late for our reservation, and before he manages to get any dirtier.”

Pepper has dealt with many rude customers in her three years working the flower shop but never before has she wanted to swat someone with a broom more than she does at this moment. She’s not sure if it’s jealousy or just the woman’s pungent sour vibe that makes her feel so repulsed by her. It’s probably both.

“Well, I suppose I should go before Sunset here flays me,” Tony says, his tone chipper and slides past Pepper to go stand beside his girlfriend. “It was nice to meet you.”

Sunset snorts, spins on her two inch heels, and clicks away toward the door.

“She’s usually nicer,” Tony mouths before turning and following her out.

Pepper glares after the woman keeping her fists clenched. 

“I don’t pay you to glare at customers and break stuff.” Steve’s voice behind her makes her jump. “Finish cleaning this up or I’ll take it out of your paycheck.”

Pepper sighs in frustration as Steve hands her the dustpan and broom.

“For what it’s worth, I hope Goatee dumps Stilettos and asks you out.”

“What the hell is that is supposed to mean?” Pepper demands.

“I think you two’d make a cute couple. He’s happy. You’re grouchy. Maybe he could teach how to like people.”

“I like people,” Pepper protests. “Just not people that think they’re above others because they’re in some fancy suit or who feel entitled because they’re shopping.”

“I’m just saying you could stand to smile a little more,” Steve says with a shrug and walks away. “You work in a  _ flower shop  _ for Pete's sake. It’s a cheery place! You’re supposed to be happy!”

Pepper glares down at the remaining pieces of pottery and lets out a hot huff of air. She does like people. She’d liked Tony, but she has a feeling he’s of the one time customers that’ll never show their face again.


	2. Lobelia

“Hi.”

Pepper looks up in surprise from the crossword puzzle she’s been working on to see Tony standing smiling at her. Disappointment sinks like a stone in her throat as she stares into the sunglasses covering his eyes. She’s tempted to comment on the cloudy day outside to try to get him to take them off so she can see his eyes again. They’re so warm and gentle. 

“Oh, hi,” Pepper says and slides the puzzle book into one of the draws of the counter. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Because if you had you would’ve leapt up to greet me?” Tony replies skeptically.

Pepper blushes at being called out and ducks her head. “You never know, maybe I would’ve.”

“Probably not,” Tony says keeping his voice soft and gentle. “I mean you haven’t even asked me if I need anything.”

“You’re a grown man. I’m sure you can find what you need all on your own,” Pepper says, actually enjoying the casual banter. “The shop is pretty simple. Pots are over there on the wall if you want to break more of those, and the rest is flowers.”

“Well I have no desire to help you break any more pots and I don’t know the first thing about flowers so…”

“Fine, what can I do for you on this wonderful rainy afternoon?” Pepper asks through clenched teeth and gives him a fake smile.

“I wanted to return these,” Tony says pulling a handful of broken clay pieces out of his pocket.

Pepper laughs. “Why? You could have just thrown them away.”

Tony shrugs. “Felt like stealing.”

“Uh-huh,” Pepper says in amusement and folds her arms over her chest. She can feel herself smiling now. “We have a ‘break it you bought it’ policy so if you really didn’t want to feel like you were stealing I could ring up the price of that pot for you.” 

“Mmmh, no. Technically you were actually the one who broke it, so I’ll be keeping my money.”

“I only broke it because you scared me.”

“Which I’m sorry for, but I’m not buying up a broken pot you probably don’t even have anymore,” Tony says sternly.

She decides not to tell him that she’d kept the pieces and taken them home.

“So you decided to bring them to me to throw away?”

Tony looks stumped like he hadn’t thought far ahead. “I guess that’s what I did…”

“Did you want anything else? Or just to return some broken pot pieces?” Pepper asks gesturing to the pieces of clay on the counter.

“Mostly, but the day was dreary and it’s much nicer in here,” he says turning to look around the flower shop.

“I see, would you by any chance like to buy some flowers?” Pepper asks.

“I probably should. My girlfriend is still pissed about last night,” he says mostly to himself.

“She’s still mad about you trying to help me?” Pepper asks skeptically. 

“No,” Tony says. “Something else.”

“Oh,” Pepper replies. She’s tempted to ask what happened but decides against it as she reminds herself it’s none of her business what this oddly friendly man’s relationship issues are.

“What about those flowers?” Tony asks nodding toward the pots of little dark blue flowers on one of the indoor tables.

“The labelias?” Pepper asks.

“Yeah,” Tony says. “They’re pretty.”

“I guess,” Pepper says ponderously, trying to rack her brain for what they symbolize. “They aren’t very much money, and they’re smaller so they won’t take up much room on the table.”

“You don’t think they’re pretty?” 

“I mean sure, I just deal with them all the time so they and all the flowers just tend to annoy me more than anything these days,” Pepper says.

“Oh, well I think they’re all beautiful,” Tony says fondly turning in a slow circle to take in all the flowers

“Maybe we should trade jobs,” Pepper says flatly.

“Yeah… maybe…” Tony muses quietly before grabbing a bundle of lobelias off the table and handing it back to Pepper. “I think working here’d be nice.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure Steve’s still hiring,” Pepper offers.

“Don’t tempt me,” Tony jokes and pulls out a 20 dollar bill. “I think Sunset would pitch a fit if I quit my job at the firm.”

“Don’t let that stop you,” Pepper says, handing Tony the money. “If you want to spend your days wallowing in an endless sea of pollen and flower petals don’t let her stop you. Although, I can guarantee you it’s not as fun as it looks.”

“Yes, because you make it look absolutely wonderful,” Tony says as Pepper tries to hand him his change. “No, keep the change.”

“This is like 10 dollars worth of change,” Pepper argues. 

“Yeah, and you look like you need to have some real fun. Go get a drink or an ice cream when you get off,” Tony says picking up his bundle of flowers. “You deserve it.”

“Sure…” Pepper mutters as he leaves the small flower shop.

“I’m telling you, he’s gonna dump Stelletois for you,” Steve says from behind Pepper, startling her once again.

“Would you just shut up about that?” Pepper snaps defensively. “He’s just a nice customer don’t get all excited.” 

“He just gave you a 10 dollar tip and came here just to give you pieces from broken pots he helped you pick up yesterday.”

Pepper groans. “Please leave it alone and stop eavesdropping.”

“You’re throwing away a perfectly good shot at love,” Steve says patting her on the shoulder.

“Who says I want love?” Pepper snaps and shrugs his hand off her shoulder.

The truth is, she actually kind of likes him. He’s charming in a peculiar way that doesn’t really make sense. She doesn’t want him to go breaking up with his girlfriend for her, but she wouldn’t mind if he kept coming back to the shop.

“Those flowers are nice,” Sunset comments as she comes into the apartment.

“I thought so too,” Tony mumbles staring glumly at the vase of blue flowers sitting on the table. “I got em to make up for last night.”

“Oh, thanks, sweetie. You didn’t have to do that,” she replies softly.

“Well, I felt like I should,” Tony replies slowly.

“Do you want a glass of wine?” she asks, changing the subject from the fight they’d had last night.

“No thanks, you know I’m trying to quit drinking,” Tony says and stifles a yawn.

“Oh come on,” Sunset pleads. “One won’t hurt, besides you always perform better with some alcohol in your blood.”

“Can’t we just go to bed tonight?” Tony asks. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Well, I know what will get you nice and sleepy,” Sunset says seductively and sits herself down on his lap. She sets down the two glasses of wine she’s poured and slides one finger under his tie to loosen it a little. “Just a little fun before bedtime? I’ve had such a long day.”

Tony sighs reluctantly and grabs the glass of wine. “Fine.”

Sunset smiles and bites her bottom lip. “Thanks, baby.”

At least one of them is happy is the only comforting thought Tony can muster as he swallows his glass of wine.

The next thing Tony knows, his back is against the wall of the bedroom and Sunset’s body is pressing against his, her cold hands sliding down his body under his shirt working their way to his waste. Her lips are around his working passionately. Part of him wants to stop this and everything, but he’s too tired to fight it so he submits to her will. 

“Pepper, what the hell are you doing?” Hope asks making Pepper jump and almost drop the flower pot she’s gluing back together.

“Don’t startle me like that!” She cries, carefully setting down the half fixed pot. “You almost made drop my pot!”

“Why are gluing a pot back together? You work at a flower shop for- why do you even  _ have  _ a flower pot? You’re sick of flowers and despise growing them.”

Pepper searches her mind desperately trying to come up with a reason for why she’s gluing the pot Tony gave her back together. She isn’t even entirely sure he had all the pieces or if the glue will hold. Hope is right, she hates flowers due to the excessiveness of their presence over the past few years of her life and she has no intention of ever growing any herself, but when she’d gotten home from work she couldn’t bring herself to throw away the broken pieces of clay.

“Steve told me to fix the pot I broke the other day,” Pepper lies, hoping her roommate will fall for it.

Hope sets her things down on the counter and folds her arms over her chest giving Pepper her trademark look. “We both know Steve isn’t going to try to sell broken pots. Why are you _actually_ putting it back together?”

Pepper shifts in her seat. “I um… this one customer brought the pieces back…”

“Wait!” Hope cries. “Are you talking about that guy who startled you and made you knock over the pot?”

Pepper nods weakly.

“And he came back to give you some broken pieces?” Hope says with a small flare of excitement in her voice. 

“Yes…” Pepper knows where this is going.

“Somebody has a crush!” She jokes and pokes Pepper in the arm.

“No!” Pepper objects, knowing all the while that her objection is false. Her feelings toward Tony are not unlike seeing a hot guy across a crowded room and being momentarily struck dumb. The only difference is that she’s had a conversation with said very attractive guy, and there is a fair chance he likes her too. Why else would he have come all the way back to the flower shop just to give her some broken pieces of pottery? She also knows that Hope is right. She does have a crush, because why else would she be gluing the broken pot back together?

“Then why are you gluing that pot back together? why not just pitch it?”

“Because I was bored,” Pepper snaps.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” her roommate laughs and pats her on the back as she walks into the kitchen. “Does he have a name?”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna share?”

“No.”

“Fine,” Hope sighs and Pepper can practically hear the eye roll in her voice. “Oh! You got ice cream!”

Pepper glances over her shoulder to see Hope rummaging through the freezer. “Yeah, he left me a nice tip so I decided to get some.”

“He left you a tip?” Hope says spinning around to face her. “The flower shop doesn’t even  _ do  _ tips.”

“Well, he gave me ten bucks of change so-”

“How much money was the thing he got?” Her roommate interrupts her.

“Like ten bucks. He paid with a twenty…”

“Damn, I think I was talking about the wrong person when I said somebody had a crush.”

Pepper sighs and kind of hopes that Hope is right. “He has a girlfriend.”

“Oh, lame.”

“Yeah, he bought her lobelias,” Pepper comments, wishing she could remember what they symbolized. She knows is something. Steve had tried to grill flower meanings into her head when she’d first started working there, but they’re all lost to her now.

“Don’t those symbolize like malevolence or something?” Hope asks scooping ice cream into a bowl.

“Something like that.”

She remembers now, malevolence is exactly what they represent.


	3. Gladiolas

“Did that goatee guy ever come back?” Steve asks as Pepper stands outside watering flowers with the hose.

“None of your business,” Pepper says bitterly. It’s been over a week and a half since the last time she saw him. She’s not exactly sure why she’s so disappointed by the fact he never came back. A lot of customers come in once or twice and never come back. New York is a big city full of busy people and she’s sure he’s one of them, and of course the one customer she actually kind of likes is the one who shows up just enough to get her slightly attached and then disappears.

“He hasn’t been back, has he?” Steve presses.

“Can you please leave me alone about it?” Pepper snaps.

“Fine,” Steve says defensively and retreats into the store.

“Aw, you missed me.”

Pepper whips around to find herself face to face with Tony, startled yet again by his sudden appearance

“I need to start wearing a bell so I don’t keep scaring you,” Tony jokes giving her a playful smile. Pepper takes notice of the faded bruise under his left eye and wonders if it’s the reason he was wearing sunglasses the last she saw him; she also can’t help but wonder how he got it.

“That’d be nice,” she huffs and blows the hair out of her face. “And just for the record, I didn’t miss you. You’re just a random customer who gave me pieces of a broken pot.”

She decidedly does not mention that she still has the broken pieces of clay sitting at home on her kitchen counter.

Tony looks a little hurt but doesn’t say anything to express it. “That’s fair, you barely know me.”

“Speaking of which, is there a reason you keep popping up or do you just get bored and decide to visit now and then?”

“I get bored I guess,” Tony says with a haphazard shrug. “And I like the flowers.”

“Steve wants me to give you an application,” Pepper says. “He said he wanted at least one happy employee to balance out my negative vibes.”

Tony laughs and ducks his head. “If my court case on Thursday goes badly I might have to take him up on that offer.”

“You’re a lawyer?”

“Yeah, defense attorney for my dad’s law firm. I always wanted to be a mechanic, but he bullied me into a different well paying job.”

“And your dad is going to fire you? Seems harsh.”

“He’s a harsh man,” Tony says with a small shake of his head. 

“Well, you better win that case, because you  _ do not  _ want to work here,” Pepper warns. 

“Have you met my dad?” Pepper gives him a look and he sighs. “Right, of course you haven’t. Emagine like Satan with a whole host of demonic attorneys who want to bleed people of every penny they own.”

“So he’s a big corporate asshat?” Pepper says flatly.

“Yep. He’s got a firm in every major city in the United States.”

“Damn,” Pepper breathes.

“And he does not like weakness.”

“So you live on a ‘lose a case and you’re out’ sort of basis?” Pepper asks.

“Pretty much,” Tony says. “Honestly getting fired would be soul freeing blessing.”

“You have a strange concept of a blessing,” Pepper says looking at him with mild bafflement.

“Not really,” he says running his hand over the top of the tops bouquets of gladiolus. “If they fire me, they gotta pay me severance until I get a new job, and I won’t have to be around my dad anymore.”

“And then you get to come work in this hell hole?” Pepper says flatly. She actually wouldn’t mind having him come work here, just for his own sake she hopes he doesn’t.

“I think you are the only person I’ve met who could look at this beautiful place and call it a hell hole,” he muses, studying her closely. “Except maybe Sunset. She’s always a toss up.”

“Okay, here’s the deal,” Pepper says quickly, hating the idea of being compared to the woman she had the displeasure of meeting a week and a half ago. “Objectively speaking, this place is very beautiful and the flowers are lovely, but after working here for three years it gets a little old. It’s the same flowers every year and the same routine just about every day, and the same kind of people coming in, and the same constant state of smelling like potting soil-”

“When's the last time you took a vacation?” Tony asks, interrupting her.

“Um… like a year and a half ago,” she says trying to remember the last time she hadn't worked for longer than a week.

“Maybe you just need a vacation,” Tony suggests.

“Maybe, but I can’t afford one.”

“Oh, I guess that’s a problem, then.”

“Yep,” Pepper says and turns off the hose. “Besides, I like staying close to home.”

“I’d offer you a job as an assistant or clerk or something at the firm, but there is a 90 percent chance some old senior partner will make a move on you, you’ll get pissed and file a lawsuit, the company will pay you a ridiculous amount of money to stay quiet and then you’ll take the money and disappear,” Tony says dully. “Besides the place is even more boring than here.”

“How often does that happen?” Pepper asks quietly.

“About twice a year,” Tony says a subdued look coming across his face. “Senior partner Stane can’t keep his hands to himself.”

“That’s awful,” Pepper breathes. She’s heard far too many stories like that for it to be surprising. For all the hell Steve puts her through with his teasing and overall assholeness she knows he’d never do something like that and she’s always felt safe working for him.

“Yeah, like I said, you don’t want to work there,” he says quietly. 

“And you can just live with working there?” Pepper demands finding herself getting angry with him.

He’s quiet for a long time and then looks at her with a pained expression in his eyes. “I pay my price for the hell I’ve sold my soul to every day.”

Pepper opens and closes her mouth, not entirely sure what to say. She wants to ask what price that would be, but can’t find her words.

Tony glances down at his watch. “I gotta go.”

“Wait!” Pepper calls, but he’s already dashing away.

She frowns after him, no longer sure what to think of him, someone who is willing to sit and work comfortably for a firm that treats people like that. She does wonder if maybe he doesn’t sit comfortably and that maybe it bugs him, in which case he should quit or stand up for the woman being treated like shit by the senior partners.

  
  


“Ms. Parker, right?” Tony says trying not to sound too out of breath.

“Um, yes?” the receptionist sitting at the entrance to the head offices says looking up at him in surprise. “Can I help you?”

“No,” Tony says and accidentally lets a slight wheeze into his voice.

“O-oh? Then why are you up here?”

“Because I can help you,” Tony says earnestly, hoping desperately that she’ll let him help her. 

“With what may I ask?” she asks looking up at him questioningly.

“Can we talk in my office,” Tonys says hopefully, and notices the slightest shift in Ms. Parker’s expression. It’s almost like a dash of fear spilling into her eyes for a brief moment before she blinks it away. He can’t help but wonder how many times Stane has said that to her before and how many times it's lead to something awful.

“I still have work to do-”

“Look, it’s fine. I’ll take whatever heat they try to put on you,” Tony promises. “I just… please.”

She must sense there is no malice behind his request because she relaxes and stands up. “You have 15 minutes.”

“Okay,” Tony breathes. “Then let’s go.”

She accompanies him to the elevator and down to the 70th floor of the building. She remains quiet and reserved until they reach his office and the door is closed.

“What do you want?” Tony is taken aback by how short she sounds all of a sudden.

“Have a seat,” he offers gesturing to one of the chairs across from his desk.

“No,” she replies boldly.

“Okay,” Tony sighs, leaning back against his desk and folding his arms over his chest. “You can’t take their pay off.”

“Excuse me?” Ms. Parker says ferociously.

“The 100,000 dollar buy off they are offering you in exchange for not suing Stane.”

The woman’s grip on her clutch bag tightens. “How do you know about.”

“My father runs the whole damn company. I know what goes on in this place, especially when the company is about to pay someone 100,000 dollars just to keep quiet. I also know you’re not the first one this has happened to, and you won’t be the last,” Tony says bluntly.

Ms. Parker looks surprised. “You’re not allowed to help me. You signed that paperwork-”

“Let me worry about those legal issues. I can help you fight against what happened to you and 12 other women.”

Ms. Parker bites her lip and shifts uncomfortably. “I have a nephew I have to take care of. I have to think about him.”

“Ms. Parker, listen to me. I know a lot of things about the company, and one of them is that they’re only offering what they are because they know you could sue Stane and the company for twice what they’re offering,” Tony says sternly. “I know a good lawyer who can help you. He’ll do it pro bono if you tell him I sent you.”

“I can’t do this. I can’t take this risk,” she replies quietly. “I’m sorry-”

“ _ Please,  _ this has been going on for too long. You can put a stop to it,” he pleads. “Stane can’t keep getting away these kinds of things. What if he does something worse next time?”

Ms. Parker sighs. “And you think your friend can win the case?”

Tony nods. “I do. He’ll win it.”

“Okay, I’ll do it.”

Tony almost melts with relief. She’s the first woman to ever agree to fight the firm.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Howard asks as Tony steps into his office.

“Nothing anymore,” Tony says calmly and steps toward his father’s desk. Deep down he feels like a child again, shrinking under his father’s shrewd glare of disapproval, wanting to crawl out of his skin and escape the man forever.

“And why is that?” Howard says standing up. There’s a dangerous look in his eyes, and Tony isn’t entirely sure the man won’t hit him like he used to do.

“I’m tendering my resignation,” Tony says as cooly as he can and hands his father his official letter of resignation.

“And why on Earth would you do that?” the man demands coldly, somehow managing to look even more disapproving.

“Because I’m done with this company’s lies and corruption. I’m done living with the guilt.”

Howard frowns. “You’re sure about this?”

Tony nods. “Yes. I quit.”

“Well, I can’t say I’m not disappointed-”

“I don’t care. I’ve been looking for your approval since I was three years old. I’m done. I don’t care what you think anymore.”

“Where will you go?” Howard asks coldly.

Tony shrugs. “Not sure, but I’ll make sure it’s someplace I enjoy.”

Howard scoffs. “Nothing worthwhile comes out of doing things for the love it.”

“You’re wrong about that,” Tony says curtly. “Those are the most worthwhile things.”

He slips out of the office before Howard can protest any further. 


	4. Hydrangea

“You look annoyed,” Hope comments as Pepper slips into the apartment and sets her keys on the counter. 

“Little bit,” she replies trying not to sound too annoyed.

“Customers?”

“Just the one,” she says and falls onto the couch, letting out a heavy sigh.

“Uh-oh, what happened?” Hope asks sounding concerned.

“I’m not even sure,” Pepper says and sits up in frustration. “Tony came back and we were talking and suddenly he just- just  _ left _ .”

“Oh,” Hope says seating herself down in the closest chair. “And you don’t know why?”

“I mean we were talking about work and stuff and he brought up how much some of the women at his get treated like crap, harassment type stuff.” 

Hope’s face darkens as Pepper says this. “What did he say about it?”

“Just that they pay off a lot of people so they won’t press charges or sue.”

“What else? Why’d he duck and run.”

“I asked him how he can work at a place like that with a clear conscience,” Pepper says slowly. “Then he said something cryptic about how he’s paying for it, and then he left. Barely even said goodbye.”

Hope’s face deeps into a dark scowl. “Sounds like he didn’t have an answer to your question so he dodged it.”

“Yeah,” she says with a melancholy sigh. “I don’t even know why I’m so disappointed, you know? I barely know him and it’s not like he’s done some horrible thing. Just like slightly unfavorable, and it’s not like he’s the one harassing people.”

“He’s still sitting back and not doing anything,” Hope says coldly.

“Plus, he probably doesn’t want to go against his dad-”

“It’s his dad’s firm?” Hope says with an even more angry edge to his voice. “That puts him in a clear position of power where he could do something.”

Pepper nods slowly.

“Forget everything I said about hooking him,” she says bitterly and stands up. “He’s no good.”

Pepper leans back against the couch and watches Hope leave for her room. She knows how touchy her roommate gets about workplace harassment cases as she had been a victim of that kind of situation. Hope has a special kind of hate for those who sit back and do nothing in those kinds of situations. Pepper knows she’s probably right about the odd customer, but part of her doesn’t want to let go of the image of the nice man helping her pick broken pots. She doesn’t want to let go of that tiny moment where they had looked into each other's eyes, but he’s sitting back while the company he works for pays people to keep their pain silent. He brings money into the company. He’s a brick in the wall of an evil corporation, supporting it. It’d be different if he didn't know what was happening regularly, but he knows and does nothing, or at least not that he’s said. Maybe she’s being too quick to judge him.

“What the hell were you thinking quitting?” Sunset fumes as soon as she’s through the door of the apartment. “Are you crazy?”

Tony looks up from his book on astrophysics. “Oh, so you heard about that?”

“Yes, I heard about it! That’s all I heard about!” she shouts waving her arms in the air. “You need to call your dad right now and fix this.”

“I’m not crawling back to him,” Tony says stubbornly. He moves on a lot of things for her, but this isn’t one of them. “I’m not going to work there anymore.”

“No, you fucked up big time Tony. Fix this. Right now!”

“No Sunset, for the first time in my life I didn’t fuck up,” Tony insists and gets up off the couch. “I’m doing the right thing. That company is fucked up.”

“Tony, please take a minute to consider what this going to do to me. Do you realize how everyone is going to react if I keep dating you after this?” Sunset taking on a dangerous level of calm. “I worked so hard getting where I am, you wouldn’t want to be the reason I throw all that away, would you?”

Tony shifts his feet nervously.

“Do you? Do you really want me to have to start fresh in a new company because you couldn’t grow a thicker skin and deal with your feelings being hurt.”

Tony feels sick. He hadn’t really thought of things like that. He hadn’t even taken into consideration what his choice would do to her. But he knows he can’t budge on this one. He’s not going to contribute to letting Stane terrorize innocent people anymore.

“Tony?” she prompts stepping close to him.

He ducks his head.

“Look at me,” her voice is cold and demanding.

Tony can’t make himself look up at her.

“I said look at me!” 

A sharp hand cracks against the side of his face, and he has to sidestep to compensate for the sudden force exerted on his face.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly holding the stinging side of his face with one hand. He hates the water that builds in his eyes from the smarting pain in his cheek, but no amount of hate will send them back where they belong.

“Tony,” she barks and grabs his face tightly in one hand forcing him to look up at her. “Do you want me to have to start over?”

He shakes his head as much as her clamp like grip will allow.

“Good, now go call your fucking dad, and don’t make me smack you again.”

“I can’t,” Tony says weakly around the lump in the back of his throat.

Sunset sighs and releases him from her grip. His freedom is not accompanied by relief. He knows what the cold look in her eyes means.

“Does she know you snuck out?” Rhodey asks not even needing to look over at the person who slides onto the barstool next to him.

“Probably,” Tony replies, his voice fragile and broken.

“You know driving with sunglasses on at night is a hazard.”

“I took a cab,” his friend replies still subdued.

“You can’t keep letting her do this to you.” 

“I don’t,” Tony mutters and keeps his face tucked inside the collar of his coat.

“Tones, she’s not that much bigger than you and you’re definitely stronger than her. You need to fight back.” Rhodey knows it’s unfair to put that pressure on his friend, but he can’t stand seeing him get beaten by yet another partner. “You need to get out. I know people who can help.”

“Whisky please,” Tony says nodding his toward the bartender. “I’m fine. We’re both fine.”

“Like hell you are. Take off your sunglasses, look me in the eyes, and say that again.”

Tony flinches and grabs for the glass of alcohol that has been set down in front of him. Rhodey reaches out his hand and grabs gently around his friend's wrist. “Tony please, this isn’t the way.”

Tony yanks his hand away abruptly. His movement is stiff and panicked. He turns his head toward Rhodey and he can see the dark bruise beginning to form on his friend’s cheek.

“My relationship isn’t any of your business. How I deal with stuff isn’t up to you.”

“Tony-”

Tony pulls his sunglasses to reveal his red bloodshot eye surrounded by a dark bruise and looks Rhodey in the eyes with a fierce glare. “I’ll still help you with the harassment case, but after that, I need you out of my life until you stop trying to control everything.”

Rhodey opens his mouth to protest, anger bubbling up inside of him, but Tony doesn’t give him time to say anything before standing up and leaving. He wants to punch a wall or do something else to vent his anger and what his old college roommate’s mind has bent and twisted into. He hates Sunset Bain now more than ever for the way she manipulates Tony’s every move and has convinced him that everyone other than her is against him. He hates her and wishes Tony would let him help him get free before she beats him to death or forces him back down the dark suicidal hole he just climbed out of.

* * *

“Woah, goatee guy made the newspaper,” Steve comments as he flips through the paper while Pepper sweeps.

“What’d he do?” Pepper says, disinterested. It’s been over three weeks since he’s blessed the flower shop with his presence and she is beginning to be indifferent toward the notion of him returning. 

“Testified against his dad’s law firm,” Steve says casually.

Pepper drops her broom and spins around to face Steve. “Come again?”

“Big case. Some lady was suing the company because of harassment stuff, and there was also a legal case accusing them of bribing people.”

Pepper’s heart flutters in her chest. He  _ isn’t  _ a horrible person after all.

“Did they win?” She asks hopefully.

“Yeah, both cases. The lady came out of it with like 200,000 dollars, and there are quite a few company executives going to prison,” Steve says paraphrasing the paper. 

Pepper can’t quite wrap her mind around why she’s so relieved that he’s potentially not a bad person. She’s only met him three times, it shouldn’t matter to her but it does. At the end of her long parade of thoughts, she comes to accept that she’s happy she can go back to liking to him and remain entranced by the curious man without feeling like she’s yearning for a horrible person who doesn’t care what happens to their coworkers. 


	5. Coreopsis

Pepper walks into work to discover that Tony is already there, standing leaned against the door frame the small shop. He has his arms crossed over his chest and instead of his regular suit and tie he’s wearing a tee-shirt and jeans along with one of Steve’s aprons. He grins as soon as he sees her and straightens up.

“And how are you today my fair lady?” He says with a playful bow.

Pepper raises an eyebrow at him. “Why are you in one of Steve’s aprons.”

His grin widens. “I ignored your advice. I’m borrowing one of his until I get my own.”

“As in…” Pepper trails off realizing what he means.

“I work here now,” he says cheerfully.

“Why?” her question sounds more cynical than she means it to.

“Well, law firms don’t like it when you testify against them so even if I wanted to go back to working there I couldn’t, and Sunset said she’d kick me out of the apartment if I kept freeloading. So ta-da!”

“Well welcome to pollen hell,” Pepper says.

“You mean heaven right? This place is so much better than the law firm.”

“I believe you there, but this place is still awful.”

“Only if you make it,” Tony says and pushes the shop door open for her. Pepper notices for the first time the assortment of bracelets accompanying his watch on his left wrist. They span a good four inches up his forearm. From what she can see, most of them are thick leather bands with fascinating swirl designs engraved in them, he has a few string bracelets taken straight out of friendship band booklet, and a few others with beads. It seems to be an exciting wrist while the other is completely bare. She remembers from their first meeting that his left wrist was the one she had caught a glimpse of a scar on and can’t help but wonder if he’s trying to hide it.

“Are you going to go in? Or shall I hold the door all day?” He says patently, interrupting her thoughts.

“Oh, you can keep holding it,” Pepper says.

“As you wish.”

“Should I call you farm boy?” she jokes hoping he catches the Princess Bride reference.

“If you must, but Wesley is a far less demeaning nickname if you must choose something from that book.”

“You’ve read the book?”

“Yes, at least fifteen times,” he responds.

“Interesting, most people have only seen the movie.”

“As is the common case,” Tony says. “I’ve done both, but it always sticks in my mind as a book first and foremost.”

Pepper’s about to respond when Steve interrupts her. “I don’t pay you two to stand around and talk all day.

“Well, I guess that’s our starting bell,” Tony says beckoning her inside. “Whoever greets the most customers buys drinks at the end of the day.”

“What?” Pepper calls after in confusion as he grabs a broom and slips down one of the isles.

“You heard me!” Tony calls gleefully over his shoulder.

“Ten to nothing,” Tony announces as he catches up to Pepper on the sidewalk.

“You’re just a better customer service person I guess,” Pepper says with a shrug.

“Well that’s a given,” Tony says, hoping she’ll take the bate. “I mean it’s obvious.”

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Pepper says flatly.

“It was worth a shot.”

“Why are you so desperate to change me?”

“I’m not. I don’t know you well enough to have an opinion on whether I want you to change, and even if I did it’s not my place to bend you to my will,” he replies. “I just want to help you be happy.”

“I am a happy person, just not at work. Why do you care so much?” Pepper says, kicking at a pebble on the sidewalk.

“Because I hate seeing people like me, I know how miserable they are and I don’t want that for anyone.”

“Tony, you’re like the happiest person I know,” Pepper says, stopping to look him in the eyes.

“You’ve only met me four times,” Tony reasons. “But the point still stands, it’s miserable being hateful and depressed. If you start acting happier and pretending you enjoy things lots of times you can fool yourself into thinking you’re happy.”

“But no one wants to be a fool,” Pepper says wisely.

“No, but more often than not you find that you really do enjoy it,” he says. “Not to mention you make other people happier too. And if the jobs not working there’s no shame in finding something new. Happiness matters.”

Pepper gives him an odd ponderous smile before starting her walk to lunch again. “Got any new job ideas then?”

“Depends on what you want to do,” Tony says. He doesn’t want her to go work somewhere else, he likes her, but if it means her being happy he’ll help her. 

“It can wait,” Pepper says evading the question. “I won’t abandon you just yet.”

A small feeling of relief closes around Tony. “And your happiness?”

“I’ll try out your little trick,” she replies. “Where do you want to get lunch?”

Tony leads in the ‘helping the most customers’ competition for a good two weeks, and Pepper is happy sitting back and just watching him while she sweeps or waters flowers. He’s always so happy when he greets one of the old ladies or bewildered teens looking for flowers for their significant other. His smile makes her smile. It takes her those weeks to realize that she’s starting to fall in love with him, but not the kind of crush that hurts and well crushes but one that makes her so unbelievably happy and fills her with a warm comfortable feeling. She’s happy just being around him. She doesn’t have to _ be with him _ to be happy. Working with him makes it so she doesn’t even need the coffee he brings her every day. 

“Hey.”

Pepper jumps as Tony pokes her from behind.

“What do you need?” Pepper asks.

“Come here a second,” he beckons and walks back down the row of tables. 

Pepper sighs and follows him. “What are we looking at?”

“That old lady over there,” Tony says nodding his head toward the little old woman looking over a table of yellow flowers.

“What about her?” Pepper asks looking over at Tony. There’s something pitiful and mournful in his deep brown eyes as he returns the glance.

“She’s buying flowers to put on her wives grave,” he says distantly.

“Oh…” Pepper trials off and tracks her gaze back to the old woman. “That’s…”

“She doesn’t have any other family,” Tony continues sadly.

Pepper’s heart sinks a little as she watches the woman in the purple shawl moving slowly along the table studying each bundle of flowers.

“We should offer to go with her,” he says as if he’s already decided it.

“We still have work,” Pepper reminds him.

“Yeah, and she’s going to visit the dead love of her life all alone.”

A small half smile slides across Pepper’s face. “You’re right. Let’s go ask her.”

Tony barely even waits for her before moving off to approach the woman.

“Excuse me miss,” Tony says with a hit of reverence in his voice. It’s so soft and gentle it sends warmth through Pepper’s insides.

“Oh, yes dear?” the old woman says looking up. 

“Me and my friend here were wondering if we could accompany you to the cemetery, you know so you wouldn’t have to be alone,” Tony says gently, Pepper can hear a tremor in his warm voice. 

A beautiful smile spreads across the woman’s face and Pepper even thinks she can see tears come into the woman's eyes. She wraps one hand around Pepper’s and cups her hand around Tony’s cheek; he seems to lean into the touch ever so slightly as he grabs her hand.

“You two are very kind for offering,” she says kindly. “But I won’t be alone. I’ll be there with my Julia.”

Tony swallows hard and looks like he’s about to cry. Pepper feels like she’ll join him if he does.

“Are you sure?” Pepper asks.

“Yes dear, but thank you,” she says quietly. “You are both very kind for asking, and I can’t tell you how much it means, but this is something that I always do alone.”

“Well, let me buy the flowers then,” Tony says.

The old woman laughs. “You are too sweet.”

Tony smiles and it’s both sad and sweet at the same time. 

He pays for the old woman’s flowers just like he said he would, but she leaves him a tip much larger than the price of the flowers and he lets her keep the victory.

“See Pepper,” Tony says leaning against the counter as they watch the old woman leave. “Customers are beautiful things, they all’ve got a story, and sure you don’t get to know all of it but you can know part of it if you take the time to care.”

“Yeah…” Pepper muses.

“Sometimes the stories are sad other times they're sweet, most of the time they’re a fine blend of the two. It’s so easy to make someone’s day. You just have to ask.”

“Yeah…” Is all Pepper can get herself to say.


	6. Red Dahlia

“Where’s Tony?” Pepper asks Steve when she comes into work and discovers Tony isn’t there waiting for her with a cup of fresh coffee and a doughnut.

“He called in sick and apologized vigorously for calling in on such short notice,” Steve says, not looking up from where he’s counting out money from the drawer.

“Oh,” Pepper says, disappointment settling in deep in her chest. She can already tell it’s going to be a long day.

* * *

Pepper hears a crash from the back of the store followed shortly by a quiet “oops”. 

She sighs and goes to where she heard the crash to see that a little kid has knocked a vase off the shelf.

“What on earth did you do?” Pepper demands trying to keep her cool.

“I’m sorry,” the little boy says quietly. “I- I didn’t mean to. It was just so pretty and then it slipped…”

Pepper lets out a long breath. “It’s okay, kid.”

“Please don’t tell my mommy,” he sobs and buries his face in his hands.

“It’s okay,” Pepper repeats and gets down on one knee in front of the kid. “I won’t tell your mom, okay? I’ll take care of the vase, and you can go back with her, yeah?”

The boy nods and his eyes track back to the vases on the shelves.

“Do you want me to get another one down for you to look at?” Pepper asks.

The boy nods.

“Which one do you want?”

“That one.” He points to a big white vase with a blue bull painted on it in an intricate swirling design.

“Oh, that’s a good one,” Pepper says and takes it down for him. “You have a good eye.”

“I like the bull,” he says and runs his little finger over the design on the vase. “Can I hold it?”

Pepper knows there’s a fair chance he’ll drop again, but she can’t bring herself to say no. “Promise you won’t drop it?”

“I promise!” the little boy says excitedly.

“Okay, I’ll give it to you, but you have to hold it like you would a baby,” Pepper says gently and holds the vase out and lets the child take it. He wraps his arms around it with a tenderness Pepper’s never seen from a child before. “Do you want to go find your mom now?”

“Yes please.” He nods.

“Come along then,” Pepper says and leads the way down one of the small isles being sure to walk slow enough so he can keep.

“There you are!” A blond woman maybe a little older than Pepper cries as her eyes settle on the kid.

“Mommy! Look what the nice lady got down for me!” the boy cries and nods his head down toward the vase that he’s holding protectively in his arms.

“Oh, it’s beautiful,” the woman says. “Do you want to get it?”

The child nods his head vigorously.

“Would you all like to check out now?” Pepper asks.

“Not yet, no. I’m still doing some shopping and my husband is poking around here somewhere looking for a friend of his I think.”

“Alright,” Pepper says with a smile. “Let me know when you’re ready.”

“Will do.”

Pepper nods at them and heads back to where the vase broke so she can clean it up.

“Excuse me.” Pepper is stopped halfway there by yet another customer.

“What can I do for you?” Pepper asks.

“Does a Tony Stark work here by any chance?” he asks hopefully. 

“Who’s asking?” she replies suddenly feeling the need to be defensive for her co-worker.

“A friend of his,” the man says and there’s worry in his tone. “We got into an argument a few weeks back, and I haven’t seen him since we got done suing his old law firm.”

“What kind of argument?” Pepper asks remembering the faint black eye she’d seen Tony with a few weeks before he’d come to work there.

“Personal stuff,” he says. “He got at me and left.”

“Oh, well he’s fine. He’s been his normal happy self since working here, but he called in sick this morning,” Pepper says. “He’ll probably be back tomorrow. I know it isn’t really any of my business, but if he doesn’t want to talk to you, I think you need to respect that.”

The man ducks his head. “Well tell him I dropped by.”

“Can I have a name then?” Pepper asks.

“I’m Rhodey,” he replies. “Please tell him that I’m sorry, he’ll know what for.”

“I’ll try my best to remember,” Pepper says, still suspicious of this person asking about her friend. If they were really friends would Tony abandon him for weeks with no word? 

“Potts!”

“Look, I gotta go, that was my boss,” Pepper says and ducks past Rhodey.

“Do you know who broke this vase?” Steve asks as Pepper rounds the corner.

“I did,” she answers without missing a beat.”

“You know it’s coming out of your paycheck, right?” 

“Yes, sir.”

The service bell at the front desk dings and Pepper starts to move to go take care of the customers but Steve stops. “You take care of this, I’ll take care of them.”

* * *

When Tony finally comes back to work three days later Pepper can tell somethings off about him and it’s not just his bruised cheek and the small cut in his lip that tip her off. His shoulders are slumped and his usual placid smile is nowhere to be seen. As she steps closer to him she can smell traces of alcohol on him even through the staggering about of aftershave he has on.

“Hey Pep,” he mutters, his greeting is half assed and she can hear the exhaustion in his voice.

“Are you okay?” She asks softly, eyeing him with concern.

“Yeah, just tired,” Tony mumbles not meeting her eyes. “Do you mind if I take the chores today?”

Pepper frowns. “What happened?”

Tony never tries to avoid customers, and doing chores is famously the job one does to avoid customers.

“Nothing, okay? I’m fine,” he snaps shortly and moves away from her.

“That’s bullshit.”

“Doesn’t matter, it’s none of your business,” he grumbles, grabbing the broom and disappearing out the door. 

Pepper frowns after him in bewilderment. She decides that it’s probably best to wait to approach him until later when he’s not so upset. She keeps an eye on him from afar as the early part of the shift drones on, every time a customer comes within the vicinity of the flower shop he vanishes, either into the bathroom or behind the counter to unpack boxes. He also sticks to himself never once approaching her which is concerning all on its own. He usually can’t stop trying to make conversation with her. It seems almost like in the three days he was gone that he built up thick walls around himself closing off the world.

It’s lunchtime when Pepper approaches him.

“You ready for lunch?” She asks, hoping he’ll join her.

“I’m not very hungry. You go eat. I’ll hold down the fort,” Tony says not looking up from where he’s sitting on the floor in the break room tying bows.

“Tony, you’re always hungry, come on-”

“Would leave me alone?” Tony barks glaring up at her.

She takes half a step back in surprise at his outburst. An apologetic look floods into his tired eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly.

“I’m just worried about you,” Pepper replies and sits herself down on the floor across from him and his pile of bows.

“I’m fine.” His attempt at sounding sincere fails miserably.

“Tony…” Pepper whispers, grabbing his hand in hers. She can feel it trembling in her grip. “What’s wrong?”

He sniffles and ducks his head, avoiding her gaze. “It’s been a rough few days and I’m tired and a little hungover.”

“You’re not going to tell me what happened, are you?” Pepper sighs.

Tony looks even more apologetic as he nods his head slightly.

“Okay, well you need to eat something so let's go get lunch. If you decide you want to talk about it, I’m all ears,” she says, standing up and offering him a hand. He reluctantly takes it and lets her pull him up.

“Anything exciting happen while I was gone?” Tony asks after a couple of minutes of them walking down the sidewalk.

“Not much,” Pepper says. “A friend of yours did pop by looking for you, though.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, Rhodey I think is what he said his name was,” she says, taking special note of Tony’s reaction. It’s a mix of annoyance and defeat. “He said you ghosted him.”

“Yeah, I did,” Tony says becoming suddenly subdued. “He kept trying to get into stuff that wasn’t his business.”

“He seemed pretty concerned about you,” Pepper says. She’d been not too trusting of him, but his concern had been genuine.

“He’s _too_ concerned is the problem,” Tony explains briefly. “He’s making problems where there aren’t any.”

“You should at least maybe let him know you’re alright,” Pepper suggests, knowing how she’d feel if Hope disappeared with no real explanation after an argument.

“It’s not like he’d believe me,” Tony says with a shrug.

“And should he?” Pepper asks.

“Oh, not you too,” Tony groans, annoyance flaring up in his voice.

“I know you’re not okay,” Pepper says carefully. “And whether you care to admit it out loud or not, I think you know that too, but I’m not going to make you admit it or talk about it. It’s only my business if you want it to be.”

Tony flashes her a grateful look but doesn’t offer any explanation for the bruise on his face or his down mood.

* * *

Tony’s absences become more and frequent along with his bruises. Sometimes they’re on his wrists and neck, most of the time they’re on his face, and he seems to come back a little more hungover each time he comes back to work. Pepper can tell Steve is getting fed up with him, and she’s starting to worry he’ll fire him. She’s caught her boss grumbling to himself about Tony being even more of a downer than she ever was a few times now. With winter coming up she’s not entirely sure Steve will keep Tony on, he’s not the same customer loving ball of joy Steve had hired a few months back. Something’s breaking him and Pepper is pretty sure she knows what, no, who is doing it.

“Tony, can I talk to you a minute?” Pepper asks, finally getting enough courage to talk to him about what’s going on.

“You’re already talking to me,” he says hopping off the step ladder for restocking shelves. He’s his old happy self today which makes the whole task at hand less daunting. “But sure, what do you need?”

“Are you okay?” Pepper asks him outright.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Tony replies dusting off his hands.

“Because you’ve been acting different lately,” she says quietly. “You haven’t been yourself.”

Tony sighs reluctantly and slides his hands into his pockets. A sad look comes into his eyes as he looks at her with some small amount of longing in them. “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry about?” Pepper asks softly and steps a little closer to him.

“I’m sorry I’m making you worry, that’s among one of the last things I’d ever want to do,” he says keeping his eyes locked with hers. “But I can’t live a lie forever.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Pepper, in all the time we’ve known each other, this is the closest I’ve gotten to being myself. I- when I got this job I thought maybe it could fix- I have a lot of problems Pep, and I thought this could fix it. Something light and good, pure, you know?”

Pepper nods slightly. “And it’s not working like it you’d hoped.”

“It was for a little while. I felt good and happy and making you happy made me happy too but it just…” he trails off and looks away from her. “I can’t hide from my problems forever. They always come back no matter how well I hide.”

“Then don’t hide from them,” Pepper says before she even realizes the words are out of her mouth. “Face them don’t let them stop you from being happy.”

“That’s easier said than done,” Tony replies.

“Things worth doing aren’t always easy, Tony.”

“I know. I just- it’s really complicated, Pepper.” The hopelessness in Tony’s eyes as he says this breaks Pepper’s heart. “Somethings just aren’t meant to be fixed or even worth it.”

“And others are. Others are worth it.” Tony tries to turn away but Pepper stops him with a gentle hand around his wrist. “You’re worth it. Whatever you need, I can help you.”

“I wish you could,” he says, pulling his hand free from her and heads toward the door of the shop.

“You’re worth being loved!” Pepper calls after, if he hears her he doesn’t say anything.

Tony feels not unlike the weather outside as he puts the key into the door of his and Sunset’s apartment, stormy. His skin is burning with a confidence he hasn’t felt in years. Pepper had given that confidence. She had said he was worth it. He doesn’t believe her, but he wants to just like he doesn’t want to hurt her. She’s the reason he’s going to do what he’s about to. She sees something in him, and that’s enough for him even though he doesn’t deserve it.

“I was starting to get worried about you,” Sunset says as Tony enters the apartment.

“Sorry, we had to move stuff inside before the storms came in,” Tony says absently. His mind is screaming at him to say it, _Sunset, I’m sorry but we’re done._ But he can’t make himself form the words. He thought he was ready but he isn’t.

“Are you sure you weren’t out with that bitch you work with?” She demands bitterly.

“What! No!” Tony protests. “We’re just friends, we don’t even have each other's numbers.”

“Let me see your phone. I can’t trust you not to be talking to that nobody bitch.” Sunset says and holds out her hand expectantly. 

Tony gives it to her reluctantly.

“I’m glad to see you’re ignoring Rhodey’s calls,” she comments as she scrolls through his phone. “He’s not good for you. Far too controlling. 

Her words hit their mark and he finally finds his tongue. “No, you are.”

“Excuse me?” She looks up from her phone.

Tony swallows. “You’re the one who’s too controlling. You’re the one who’s bad for me.”

“WHAT?” She shouts.

“Rhodey’s been nothing but good to me! And that ‘nobody bitch’ has a name! Her name is Pepper and she is a million times the woman you will ever be!” Tony shouts back. “I’m done letting you control me. Your reign of terror is over. I’m done. We are done.”

The look in Sunset Bain’s eyes is pure hellfire and Tony isn’t sure she won’t kill him.


	7. Marigold

The air is crisp and cold as Pepper walks down the side walk to work. She clutches the bottle of pepper spray in her pocket in one hand. The sun hasn’t quite peaked the horizon yet and she doesn’t trust the dark streets of New York. She hates it when it storms, storms always mean early mornings the next day. She rounds the corner of the shop and discover’s Tony tucked in a ball with his head down under the door frame and her heart drops into her stomach.

“Tony?” she chokes and rushes to his side.

He lifts his head slowly as she kneels down next to him on the wet ground. His face stained with blood and tears. A wave of panic washes over her. He’s soaked to the skin and looks like he’s been out all night in the storm. His whole body is shaking horribly and the pain and defeat in his exhausted brown eyes makes Pepper’s heart twist and break.

“What- what happened?” she breathes, her hands hovering only inches above him. She wants to reach out and hold him close, promise him everything will be okay, but she’s scared she’s going to hurt him. She can see awful dark bruises wrapping around his throat that are clearly handprints, and his right wrist is bruised and swollen. It looks broken or at least dislocated.

He blinks slowly at her. “I did it.”

“Tony, what did you- who did this to you?” Pepper asks desperately.

“I fought my problems,” he whispers.

“Tony-”

“I tried,” he hiccups around the sound of his teeth chattering together. “I tried to stop her this time. It tried to make it all stop…”

“It’s okay,” Pepper says and gently slides her hand into his left one. “It’s okay.”

“I tried to make her stop,” he repeats around a gut wrenching sob.

Pepper doesn’t need to ask any more questions to know what happened to him. She knows it was his girlfriend like she’d suspected for a long time.

“It’s okay Tony,” she promises. “I won’t let her hurt you again. You’re going to be okay.”

Tony doesn’t say anything else, only leans against her. She can feel his whole body shake against hers and the wetness from his clothes soaks through hers.

“Let’s get you to the hospital-” she begins to say but Tony interrupts her.

“No hospital Pep. They- they’ll know what happened…”

“Tony you need to get help,” she says sternly and examines the deep cut above his eyebrow coated in dry blood. “That cut is really deep. Whatever gave you that could have given you a concussion. And your wrist looks broken.”

“I’m fine,” he says weakly and pulls away from her. Some unseen wall seems to rise up around him, blocking him from her. He makes an attempt to stand up, but he only makes it halfway up before toppling over and hitting the ground hard with a groan of pain. His eyes lose focus for a second and terrified he’s going to pass out Pepper slides in close to him once again and wraps one arm gently around his shoulders.

“Tony, you need medical help,” she urges as he leans his head against the crook of her neck.

“Please don’t take me there…” he moans.

“What if I take you back to my apartment ? My roommate’s an ER nurse, she can look you over.”

Tony hesitates half a second before nodding.

“And if she says you should go to the hospital, you go?” Pepper adds.

“Okay,” he breathes, sounding too tired to argue anymore.

“Do you think I can stand up if I help you?” Pepper asks, softly rubbing his shaking shoulder.

He nods weakly and moves his arm over her shoulder.

“Okay, let’s get you home,” Pepper says gently and helps him to his feet. She can feel him buckle a little and unsure if she’ll be able to handle his weight, hopes desperately that he doesn’t pass out.

The usually short walk back to the apartment is made long by their slow pace, but they eventually make it back. Tony is almost unconscious, his weight bearing down on Pepper, as she finally eases him down onto the couch. She’s about to move away to get Hope when Tony reaches out and grabs her hand in his. His grip is weak and his eyes are barely open, but she stops and leans down close to him.

“Tony, it’s okay. I’m just going to get my roommate and she’ll take good care of you.”

“Just needed to say thank you,” he mumbles softly, his eyes now completely closed. “For everything.”

“Of course Tony. I wasn’t going to leave you out in the cold like that.”

“No,” Tony shakes his head slightly. “For what you said yesterday… you saved me…”

She gives his hand a gentle squeeze. “Everyone needs to know they’re loved.” 

His fingers slip free from her hand and his head hangs forward against his chest. Pepper swallows hard, fear twisting in her stomach. He looks so fragile now laying limply on the couch, and she can’t help but wonder if he’s ever been beaten this bad before. From there, her mind wanders to the scar she’d seen on his wrist the first time they’d met and she has a feeling that this is a step up from the last time he tried to find a way out of something horrible.

She moves quickly down the hallway to her roommate’s room and knocks rapidly on her door.

“What do you want?” Hope demands, swinging the door open while Pepper is mid knock. “It’s seven am and I just got home from a twelve hour shift.”

“I need your help,” Pepper says urgently and her roommate softens obviously sensing something’s wrong.

“What’s wrong Pepper?” Hope asks eyeing her with concern.

“I went into work early and Tony was sitting out front- Hope, he’s beat up pretty bad,” Pepper says nervously, and casts a glance over her shoulder at the living room.

“Let me grab my first aid kit,” Hope says quickly, disappearing back into her for a few seconds before reappearing with a box in her hands. “How bad is bad?”

“I’m not sure. I think has a concussion and a broken wrist,” Pepper says, following Hope into the living room. “I think he just passed out-”

Hope slips onto the couch next to Tony and sets her box down on the coffee table. “He’s definitely out.”

Pepper watches as her friend gently presses her fingers against the side of Tony’s neck then carefully eases his back against the back of the couch.

“His pulse is regular,” she comments as she takes her fingers away from his bruised neck. She retrieves her stethoscope out of the first aid box and listens silently to his breathing, her eyebrows knitted together in a permanent frown. Pepper shifts nervously as she watches her roommate examine Tony. She hates that there really isn’t anything she can do to help, it makes her feel helpless and useless.

“Okay, his breathing is a regular but I think from the sound of his lungs he’s developing a cold. I need you to go get a blanket, a bowl of warm water and a washcloth. I’m going to work on getting him to wake up.”

When Pepper gets back from gathering the items for Hope, Tony is awake but seems to be pretty out of it.

“Hey Pep,” he says weakly as his dazed eyes settle on her.

“Tony,” Hope whispers calling his attention away from Pepper. “I need to see if you have a concussion, can you please look over here at me?”

Tony hesitates before doing as he’s told. 

“Okay, I need you to follow my finger with your eyes,” Hope says holding up her finger.

“Which one?” Tony says sounding confused.

A look of concern crosse Hope’s face. “Tony, how many fingers do you see.”

“I- I don’t know…” he says weakly.

Hope sighs. “Can see your driver’s license, please?”

“I don’t see why, but okay,” Tony says and pulls out his wallet with one shaking hand. “Is it just me or is it cold?”

“Here,” Pepper says and wraps the blanket in her hands around his still trembling shoulder. She sits down next to him and rubs her arms gently down his arms trying to help him warm up.

“Tony, can you tell me how old you are?” Hope asks looking at his driver’s license.

He looks even more confused before finally answering. “Eighteen.”

Hope looks horrified, and Pepper’s sure she herself looks much the same.

Tony laughs then breaks off into a weak cough. “I’m kidding. I’m thirty four.”

Hope looks like she’s going to strangle him.

“Tony that’s not funny! We’re trying to make sure you don’t have a brain injury,” Pepper scolds.

“Well, you don’t have to worry. My brain is fine,” Tony says with amusement in his tone, but Pepper can still hear the undertones of pain in his voice. “And I only saw the one finger.” 

Hope glares at him.

“You should have seen your faces,” he chuckles painfully. “Gold.”

“Okay comedic genius, quit moving so I can look at that cut on your head,” Hope says, annoyance brimming in her tone. “Because whether you like it or not that cut is not fine.” 

Tony doesn’t protest to this. He sits silently with his head leaned back resting on the back of the couch as Hope cleans the deep ugly cut and stitches it up.

“If you’re head’s so fine, why’d you pass out?” Hope asks sliding the needle through the skin on his forehead and tying it into a neat knot.

“Didn’t sleep at all last night,” Tony says closing his eyes.

“Tony, if you think you might have a concussion you need to tell us so we can keep an eye on you and make sure it doesn’t cause any problems,” Pepper says interrupting whatever Hope was about to say.

“Exactly,” Hope says. “It won’t land you in the hospital. We just need to know for your own good.”

“Fine,” Tony groans. “I have one.”

Hope raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah, I’ve got em before. This feels the same,” he mumbles softly.

Hope sighs and casts a sideways glance at Pepper that says she already knew that. “Well, as soon as I’m done stitching you up and looking at your wrist you can get some rest.”

It doesn’t take Hope long to finish stitching up Tony’s forehead. She wraps his head in soft gauze and then examines his wrist. 

“Well, it’s not broken,” Hope states with relief in her voice. “Just dislocated. You should probably go to the hospital to get it fixed.”

“No, you just do it,” Tony protests weakly.

“It’ll hurt, like a lot,” Hope warns.

“It’s fine,” Tony says. “I’m used to it.”

“Suit yourself,” she replies with a shrug. “Do you want a warning or not?”

“Tony, you should really go to the hospital,” Pepper chimes in. She’d dislocated her wrist once during a soccer game, and it getting put back in place had hurt even with the painkillers at the hospital.

“No warn-” Tony breaks off into a hiss of pain as Hope twists his wrist. It makes an awful pop sound as it’s snapped back into place. “The fuck…”

“You said no warning,” Hope says giving him a gentle pat on the back.

Pepper feels a little sick to her stomach and decides to leave the room for a few minutes.

When she gets back Tony’s wrist is wrapped in an ace bandage and the pained grimace is gone from his face, but she can still see the pain in his eyes.

“You want to go get some rest now?” Pepper asks offering him her hand to help him up.

“I can stay on the couch if you want…” he mumbles.

“No, come on. We’ve got a guest room,” Pepper lies. She’s taking him her bed, which is much warmer and more comfortable than the couch. “You to be comfortable while you rest and heal.”

“Are you sure?” Tony asks as she helps him up.

“Yes, Tony I’m sure. You can take the bed,” Pepper says softly as she leads him back to her room. “You need to be comfortable while you recover.”

“You didn’t have to do any of this…” he says quietly as she eases him down onto the bed.

“You’re crazy if you think for a second that I’d leave you on that sidewalk,” Pepper says retrieving a set of her oversized pjs and handing them to Tony. “You should change into those. They’re dry and clean.”

“Why?” he asks looking up at her with slightly dazed eyes. “Why would you do this for me?”

“Because I care about you Tony,” Pepper says looking him sternly in the eyes. “I meant what I said yesterday. You deserve to be happy.”

Tony doesn’t argue but also doesn’t look convinced.

“Sleep well, Tony,” Pepper says softly as she makes her way to the door. 

“Thanks, Pep,” Tony whispers as she ducks out of the room to leave him.

Hope is cleaning up in the living room when Pepper comes back and flops down on the couch.

“You know I don’t appreciate you skipping out on details,” Hope says looking at Pepper sternly.

“What do you mean?”

“You didn’t say he was  _ that  _ hot.”

Pepper rolls her eyes and lays down on the couch. “Of course that’s your take away from that.”

“Oh, no, I have lots of takeaways from that encounter, and him being very attractive is the least depressing one, so I decided to go with that one.”

“Makes sense,” Pepper mumbles closing her eyes. It’s barely 8:00 am and she’s already exhausted.


	8. Eglantine Rose

_ Tony wakes up to blurry images around him and his head pounding in his skull, there’s a hushed beeping sound somewhere beyond his right eat that makes the throbbing in his head much worse. There’s a gentle hand clinging onto his that feels like Rhodey’s. _

_ “Rhodey?” Tony moans softly, blinking his eyes a few times to clear the blurs around him, so he can clearly see the hospital room around him. “What happened?” _

_ “You-” _

_ “You almost wasted everything you ungrateful piece of shit.”  _

_ Tony flinches at the harsh tone in his father’s voice. _

_ “Howard, nows really not the time for-” _

_ “No. He is my son,” Howard barks cutting Rhodey off. “We’ll have this conversation right now if I want to have it right now.” _

_ Tony sneaks a glance in his father’s direction. The man is so how so much more terrifying now than he ever was with a belt in his hand. _

_ “No you won’t,” Rhodey challenges and knocks the chair over as he stands up. Tony wonders if he’s about to watch his father and his best friend physically fight. “It’s not his fault Maria died. It’s time for you to stop hanging him out to dry for that. Her death was an accident!” _

_ “Yeah! And he got to live because of it! He shouldn’t be the one who’s still alive!” Howard shouts. “And you got to witness first hand how he showed her gratitude!” _

_ “No!” Rhodey shouts and takes a dangerous step toward Tony’s father. _

_ “Rhodey, it’s-” Tony starts but Rhodey whirls around to face him, fire burning in his eyes and silences Tony. _

_ “Don’t you dare say this is okay,” Rhodey says sternly. “Nothing about this is okay. A liter and a half your blood is at home in my bathtub, your father is blaming you for something you had no control over, and you just woke up from attempting suicide. Nothing about this is  _ okay _.” _

_ Tony flinches and decides not to say anything else. _

_ “And for the record Howard,” Rhodey continues spinning back around to face Tony’s fuming father. “What I saw first hand was not Tony being ungrateful for his second chance, what I saw was a man driven to the absolute brink by his father who claims to love him. You did this to him. You told him he should be dead so many times you made him believe it you mother fucking bastard.” _

_ “What di-” _

_ “Get out!” Rhodey roars. “I’m not going to let you convince him to do this again.” _

_ Howard opens his mouth to protest but Rhodey takes a menacing step forward and the man backs toward the door. _

_ “This doesn’t change what happened! This doesn’t change that it’s his fault!” _

“Pepper?” Tony’s soft drifts down the hallway to Pepper as she heads to the bathroom.

“Yeah, what do you need?” she asks poking her head into the dark room.

“Why do I deserve to be happy?”

“What?” She opens the door all the way and slips into the bedroom.

“You said you think I deserve to be happy,” Tony says quietly. “Why?”

Pepper’s heart does an unhappy twist in her chest as he asks his question. There’s an air of innocence to the question along with genuine curiosity that makes Pepper want to hold him and never let go, protect him from all the pain.

“Do you mind if I sit down next to you on the bed?” Pepper asks approaching.

“No,” Tony says tiredly and scoots himself in the bed. 

Pepper scoots in next to him as he wiggles himself into a sitting position.

“You’re a good person,” Pepper says looking him in the eyes.

“What?”

“You asked me why I think you deserve to be happy,” Pepper explains. “You’re a good person. You turned your back on your family business to help a mear assistant find justice for the abuse she’d faced from her boss, you offered to go with a complete stranger to the cemetery so she wouldn’t be alone, you helped me learn to be happy where I work. You care about others, Tony. You offer everyone your joy and love, and I think some should be given back. Not to mention I really like you.”

Tony just looks confused. “But I shouldn’t even be alive.”

“Obviously you should,” Pepper says softly and slides her hand into his. “You’re here, aren’t you?”

“But I should have died,” Tony insists. “The reason I’m still here- it- it never should have happened.”

“Tony, I don’t know what happened, but this,” she gently brushes the long scar running up the inside of his forearm, “this doesn’t define you. Okay? This scar isn’t who you are.”

“No,” he says quietly. “I should have died long before I slit my wrist.”

Pepper’s breath catches in her throat as he says this. She’d known that the scar on his wrist was something he’d done to himself, but him saying it out loud still hits her like a kick in the gut.

“What happened?” She asks before even realizing the words are out of her mouth. The pain in his eyes makes her wish she hadn’t said anything. “You don’t have to-”

“No, it’s fine,” he interrupts. “You should probably know.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want me to.”

“I do. I do want to tell you,” he says locking gazes with hers. She can see years of pain and guilt flickering deep within them, and her heart yearns to help him. “For the first time in my life, I  _ want  _ to tell someone.”

Pepper nods her head. She knows whatever he’s about to say is going to hurt. “Okay, take your time, and don’t feel like you have to.”

“You said this scar doesn’t define me,” he says quietly as he runs his hand down the long scar stretching more than halfway up his forearm. “That might be true, but… this one does.” He carefully reaches up and peels down the color of his shirt so Pepper can see the top of a scar in the center of his chest.

“Is that…” she trails off as he nods.

“A heart transplant, yes,” Tony says his voice subdued with grief.

“Oh, I’m…” Pepper isn’t entirely sure what to say to him. “Why- what happened?”

“I was um... I was sick,” he says around a swallow. “Like really  _ really  _ sick, Pepper. They didn’t catch what it was until I had at best a few days.”

“I’m sorry,” Pepper says and squeezes his hand.

“I thought I was going to die, so when I passed out I figured I’d just never wake up. I was at the bottom of the donor list, so it made sense, and I was fine with it.” He looks away from her and wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand that isn’t clasped in hers. “Then I woke up. They said I was going to be okay, but I haven’t felt remotely okay since it happened. It’s like feeling like part of you is gone and it’s been replaced with something, something that  _ really  _ doesn’t belong to you. Something so much better than you. Something you’ll never deserve, no matter how hard you try.”

“I’m sorry,” Pepper says gently leans her head comfortingly against his shoulder.

Tony keeps his eyes glued on the far wall as he takes a deep breath. Pepper can see tears spilling down his cheeks. “I woke up and felt different, you know? I wasn’t dying anymore but everything seemed so much worse and… and my mom wasn’t there.”

Pepper sits up and looks at him. She can feel it coming like some awful wave getting ready to crash down over her with an earth shattering truth. She feels like she’s going to choke even before Tony speaks again.

“There had been a wreck.”

“Tony… Tony I-”

His breathing is heavy like he’s battling off a panic attack, and he squeezes his eyes shut. His eyebrows knit together like what he’s about to say is causing him physical pain. When he finally speaks, his words are choked and broken. “She was a perfect match.”

Then Tony seems to break, and Pepper’s heart breaks right along with him. She doesn’t know what to say. She’s not even sure she  _ should  _ say something, and even if she should or knew where to begin she physically can’t make her throat work the way she wants it to. She can’t make herself speak, so instead, she wraps her arms tightly around Tony’s shaking body and she holds him close to her.

“I should be dead,” he whimpers. “Not her… not her…”

Pepper knows she can’t promise him it will be okay, and even she could it wouldn’t help. She’d be just like the doctors who told him everything okay knowing full well that his mother had died and they’d put her heart in his body.

“They told me it was  _ okay,”  _ Tony sobs, his tears soaking into Pepper’s shirt. “I tried so hard to make it okay. I tried, but I just couldn’t do it…”

“Shhh,” Pepper soothes and rubs gentle circles on his trembling back.

“I tried, but it was so wrong.” He clings to her even tighter. “But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t…”

“I’m sorry Tony,” she breathes holding him closely. A knot twisting in her own throat. What happened to him seems almost cruel. “I’m sorry.”

“I couldn’t keep going,” he chokes and sits up to look Pepper in the eyes. “I just gave up. I was staying with Rhodey and one night I just had enough. I went into the bathroom with one of his carving knives and I just…” he shakes his head miserably. “Four and a half inches up my arm and almost an inch and a half deep.”

Pepper’s breath hitches in her throat and she finds herself tightening her grip on Tony’s hand.

“I lost a liter and a half of blood by the time Rhodey found me and two by the time we made it to the hospital. The doctor told Rhodey that saving me probably wouldn’t do much. They said I really wanted to die and that I’d probably try again.”

“But you didn’t,” Pepper says almost pleadingly and rests her warm against Tony’s cheek. Her touch is warm and soft against his wet tear stained face and it somehow soothes the pain twisting in his body as his leaps back to the day he should have died.

“I was too scared,” he admits after a long time of just soaking up Pepper’s presence. “I was scared I’d survive it again and have to face my best friend again.”

He’d thought about doing it many times, even in ways that he knew would kill him. He’d thought about it sitting in his office at the law firm. He’d thought about doing it after fights with Sunset. Quite a few of those times he’d  _ wanted  _ to do it, but had never found it in himself to take the leap or pull the trigger of the little revolver Sunset kept in her underwear drawer. He’d taken the gun with him to the bathroom once, put the cold metal barrel against his temple, and let sit there rested against his head. He’d even run his finger along the trigger, tempting fate. In the end, he walked away, walked away from the window of his office or walked away from the small gun closed safely in its drawer. A silent hand stopped him each time, a silent hand that hadn’t been there when he ripped his arm open and bled himself out.

“The few people who knew and cared told me I was strong for not trying again, but I wasn’t Pepper.” He looks away from her, unable to meet her soft loving eyes. “I was just scared.”

“And what are you now?” her hand glides gently along his jawline and lifts his chin upward with all the care and tenderness in the world. It’s the same motion Sunset would go through all the time, but it’s the exact opposite. There’s only love in Pepper’s touch, no malice, no anger, and Tony has no fear of being smacked.

“I don’t know,” Tony replies forcing his eyes to meet hers. “But I don’t want to die anymore.”

He means it. For the first time since waking up to find out that they’d taken his heart and replaced with that of his dead mother, he doesn’t want to die. A lot of suicide survivors say they instantly regretted it, but he remembers all too clearly that when he was laying there bleeding out into the tub, his thoughts and feelings blurring together, his only regret was not cutting deeper.

“Well, I think that’s a very good thing,” Pepper says softly and looks at him with so much care in her crystal blue eyes. “And for what it’s worth, I’m very glad you survived.”

Tony finds a smile creeping across his face. “I think I am too.”

He’d tried to kill himself almost seven years ago, and for the first time since then, he’s glad he didn’t. Pepper makes him glad he hadn’t cut deeper and longer. She makes him grateful Rhodey had gotten home from work early. She makes him feel strong.

“And as far as your mother goes, I think she’s happy you didn’t die… either times,” Pepper says gently and rests her hand against his chest. “I think it was worth it for her. I think she’d be happy you have a future.”

Tony’s always hated people touching his chest, but he doesn’t mind Pepper doing it. Deep down he feels like that’s where it belongs, or more where his heart belongs, close to her. Since the minute he woke he’d been trying to make the heart in his chest belong, make it his, but now he’s beginning to realize something, it was a gift. One not necessarily meant to be kept but given. The heart was a token of love. Love is meant to be spread and shared, given. Tony gently wraps his hand around Pepper’s that is still resting on his chest and smiles at her. He’d felt a connection the day they’d met like something pulling him toward her. The heart in his chest is a gift meant to be given, and he’s pretty sure that Pepper will take care of it if he gives it to her. 


	9. Azalea

“So what caused this?” Pepper asks as she changes the dressing on the cut in Tony’s forehead. The cut itself doesn’t look infected, but the heat of Tony’s skin against her hands tells a different story.

“Marble counter,” Tony mumbles, his raspy voice subdued with pain. “She shoved my head into the corner.”

Pepper sighs wishing that she could have helped him escape Sunset in a safer way.

“She said she was going to kill me,” he says absently, staring blankly out at the room. He seems to be on a whole other planet. “I believed her.”

“That will never happen,” Pepper promises and wraps fresh gauze around Tony’s head. “I won’t let her hurt you again.”

“I hope that’s true,” he whispers and breaks off into a bought of coughing. His shoulders heave as the hacking coughs tear through his body, shaking him.

“Hey take it easy!” Pepper soothes and rubs Tony’s back gently. “Just breathe. Nice and slow.”

It takes Tony a few tries, but he finally gets his breathing under control again.

“Are you feeling okay?” Pepper asks, eyeing him with concern. He’d spent a night out in freezing rain, him getting sick is to be expected. “You’re warm and look pale.”

“Just tired… And still light headed,” Tony says as a shiver courses through his body.

“How about I make you some soup and you stay nice and warm while I do that?”

“What if you just stay and curl up with me?” Tony asks sheepishly.

“You need to eat and make sure you’re getting enough fluids,” Pepper says, wanting nothing more than to stay with him and curl up under the warm covers. “What if I make soup and then come curl up with you?”

“Okay,” Tony agrees as Pepper helps him lay back down in bed.

“I’ll be back soon,” she promises, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before leaving to make him soup. 

Part of her is tempted to flop down on the couch and take a nap. The past day and a half have been a lot, and she’s still not entirely sure how to process the fact that Tony’s mother died in a car wreck and was then the donor of his new heart. She wants to help him heal from the trauma of it all but has no idea where to begin. She’s not even entirely sure that there is anything she can do to help aside from being there for him and making sure he feels like he deserves to be alive. She’ll give him the love he needs and hopefully in the process help him to love himself, and feel like the heart in his chest belongs there.

By the time the soup is done and Pepper is back in Tony’s room, he’s asleep snoring peacefully. Deciding the soup can wait she sets the bowl down and climbs into bed next to him. She gently massaged his back while he sleeps hoping to loosen the tense muscles in his back. Every once in awhile he twitches and lets out an unhappy moan. Each time Pepper rubs his back a little more firmly and speaks soothingly, hoping to pull him out whatever bad dream he’s having. She decides next time he does it, she’ll wake him up.

__ Tony wakes to the sound of slow breathing next to him and a warm hand rested on his shoulder. He shifts in bed just enough to see that it’s Pepper who’s fallen asleep next to him with a book in her lap. He hauls himself into a sitting position next to her and gently shakes her shoulder. She jumps a little and blinks her eyes rapidly, waking herself up.

“Did I fall asleep?” she asks scooting away from him slightly. “Sorry…”

“It’s fine, I’m a handful. I can see why’d you be exhausted…”

“Oh stop it,” Pepper groans. “You’re not that bad… actually you’re not bad at all.”

“We’ll see how long that lasts,” Tony mutters and swings his legs out of bed. His head is still throbbing, but he ignores it, he’s gotta get up sometime.

Pepper lets out an exasperated sigh as Tony pulls himself out of bed with a grunt.

“You’re a good person Tony, being depressed doesn’t make you unworthy of love.”

Tony stops and turns around to look at her, something hopeful shining in her eyes. “Is that what you think?”

Pepper slides out of bed, her feet touching down on the cold floor, and steps close to Tony so she’s looking up into his tired brown eyes. “Yes Tony, that’s what I think. You’ve been broken a few too many times, and I know that loving you isn’t going to magically make it so it never happened, but if you let me, maybe I can glue you back together.”

“Like you did that pot?” Tony asks nodding his head toward Pepper’s dresser.

Pepper glances back at the glued back together pot sitting on her dresser. “Oh… I forgot I kept that…” she mumbles for a second before getting back to her point. “But yes, just like that pot. It didn’t deserve to be broken but did deserve another chance. A shot at life, a good life.”

“I don’t know if there’s enough glue out there to fix this old pot,” Tony says quietly.

“I think you underestimate the amount of glue I have,” Pepper says sliding her hand into his. She looks deep into his eyes. “And my level of persistence. Please let me try.” 

He doesn’t waver as he replies. “Okay, Pepper. Glue me back together.”


	10. Bittersweet

The only thing Pepper wants to do when she finally gets home after her very long Tonyless day at work is curl up in blankets on the couch and pass out or alternatively curl up in bed with Tony, but she has a feeling deep down that isn’t going to happen. Tony will probably need something other than snuggles especially with his cold that doesn’t seem to want to get better. She pushes her way into the apartment and discovers a small stack of boxes by the door and the faint and sour smell of alcohol hanging in the air.

“Tony?” Pepper calls into the dark apartment and flicks on the light

“Shit.” The groan from the kitchen is followed by what sounds like a glass bottle tipping over on the floor. “Fuck…”

“Tony?” Pepper says with a little more concern and creeps around the corner of the island to see Tony sitting up on the kitchen floor with a half empty bottle of whiskey in one hand. He’s pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut tight like he’s trying to battle off a headache.

“What times it?” He slurs opening one eye to look up at Pepper.

Pepper is too flustered to answer the question. She’d known for a while that he drank, she’d smelled it on him quite a few times at work, but he’d never been this drunk. She's only ever seen him hungover. This is new and kind of scary.

“Tony, are you drunk?” She’s not even sure where he got whiskey. Hope occasionally has a bottle of wine stowed away for a deterrent after a long day or for her occasional nice dates with her girlfriend but never whiskey.

“Um… n- yeah… little bit,” he mumbles pinching the bridge of his nose a little harder. “ _ Shit…  _ I’m on your kitchen floor…”

“Yes…” Pepper says slowly.

“ _ Fuck.  _ Sorry, I’ll…” He trails off and squints up at her with a look of defeat in his dazed eyes. “I’ll go.”

“Tony I don’t think that’s a-” she’s interrupted by Tony attempting to stand up but falling back down so hard it rattles the kitchen.

“Damn it,” he spits angrily and rubs his lower back before drawing his legs up close to him and planting his forehead in between his knees. “I’m sorry Pep… I should’ve gone to a bar or something…”

“Tony I’m not- never mind, just what happened?” She asks stepping toward him. 

“I went ho- not home, Sunset’s to get my stuff,” he mutters not looking up at her.

“Oh…” Pepper breathes and lowers herself onto her knees next to him.

“It was- I shouldn’t’ve gone…”

“Was she there?” Pepper asks urgently, fear rising in her stomach.

Tony shakes his head. “I almost stayed.”

“Oh…”

“I had to make it go away,” Tony says gesturing to the bottle laying on its side on the kitchen floor. “And it didn’t  _ fucking work.” _

Pepper sighs and runs her hand gently down his sweaty back. She knows chat with Steve about his best friend that trying to drown memories in a bottle doesn’t work. She’s pretty sure Tony knows this too.

“Then again it never does,” Tony moans and grabbing nervously at his hair. “I don't know why I bothered… I’d made it almost two weeks.”

“How long has this been going on?” Pepper asks softly.

“Too long.”

Pepper leans back against the fridge and guides Tony back with her. “Since you had the transplant, right?”

Tony swallows and nods his head.

“Did you try going to meetings?” Pepper asks, knowing that it’s probably the most generic response ever and that he’s probably already heard it before.

Tony laughs bitterly. “Oh my fucking goodness! Why the hell didn’t I think of that?”

Pepper pulls away from Tony startled by the pure venom in his voice.

“Of course I fucking tried that!” He spits the words out like he hates every letter of them with the very fabric of his being. 

Pepper’s hand bumps the bottle of whiskey as she scoots a little farther away from Tony and it makes a quiet clatter as it moves across the floor. A look of confusion crosses Tony’s face and he blinks a few times like he’s trying to register something that isn’t quite clicking. The confusion on his face gives way to regret as he eyes the space between them.

“I’m sorry Pep, I just…” he shakes his head miserably and then grabs the edge of the counter.

“Tony,” Pepper begins to say as she stands up, but he interrupts her.

“I shouldn’t have- you were just trying to help,” he chokes and hauls himself to his feet. “I need to go.”

Pepper can’t make herself move to stop him from leaving before it’s too late and the apartment door is closing behind him.

“Mommy,” Harley pulls on the corner of Carol’s shirt tugging her attention away from the book she’s reading.

“What do you want sweetie?” She asks setting the book down on her knee.

“Uncle Tony is at the door.”

“He’s what now?” she chokes, rising out of the chair. The last time they’d seen him was when he’d testified against Stane in the sexual harassment case. Rhodey had given her all the details of their falling out, and she really hadn’t expected to see Tony again, and definitely not this soon. “Wait in here buddy, I’m gonna go see what he wants.”

“But I haven’t seen him in  _ forever! _ ” Harley whines and tries to follow her.

“Well, I need to talk to him first,” Carol says sternly, she knows there’s a good chance Tony’s drunk.

Harley rolls his eyes and throws himself down in the closest chair with an angry huff. Carol stows down the hallway to the door, mentally preparing herself for whatever conversation she’s about to have with her husband’s best friend.

“What are you doing here Tony?” Carol says opening the door. She can’t help the small pang that twists in her stomach as she takes in Tony’s sad disheveled state. He has dark bruises around his neck and on his face and cut that’s been neatly stitched on his forehead.

“Is Rhodey here?” he asks hopefully.

“No, he’s still at work. Why didn’t you check there first?”

“Because I didn’t want to show at his office…”

“Drunk?” Carol finishes for him. It’s obvious he’s drunk, she can tell easily by the way he’s extra fidgety and his telltale “I’m Drunk” squint.

“Yeah…”

“And you thought coming here was a better idea?” Carol says skeptically. “Around Harley?”

“I’m sorry,” Tony chokes, and his shoulders slump even further which Carol didn’t even know was possible. “I just messed up and I… I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry.”

Carol sighs. “Tony, wait.”

“No, it’s fine,” he mumbles as he stumbles down the steps that lead to the doorstep.

“Tony!” Carol calls after him. “Wait.”

He stops and turns around to face her again. The lack of hope in his eyes physically pains her.

“James should be home soon. I’m sure he’ll want to see you,” she says as gently as she can. “You can take a nap in the guest bedroom if you’d like. Sleep off some of you drunkness?”

“No, I should go. Harley doesn’t need me around.”

“Harley will be fine,” Carol says stubbornly. “Quit trying to escape just. I’m not going to bite your head off or anything. You’re still my friend, I’m just a little mad at you for disappearing and not talking to us for ages.”

“I don’t want to impose-”

“Tony, you literally slept on our couch for months before you moved in with Sunset. You’re fine to come in and take a nap until Rhodey gets home,” Carol states. She wishes he’d continued sleeping on their couch and that he’d never moved in with Sunset. She has no doubt in her mind that the woman is the reason behind how beat up he is.

Tony shifts nervously with small droplets of rain gathering in his ruffled hair.

“Tony, it’s fine. I promise.” 

Tony hesitates for a few more seconds before letting his tense shoulders slump down and walking slowly to where Carol is holding the door open.

“Thanks,” he mumbles softly.

“No problem,” Carol says, giving his shoulder a small squeeze as he walks past her into the small house.

“Uncle Tony!” Harley cries for joy and runs to Tony, who flinches a little as the young boy hugs him.

“Hey kiddo,” Tony says quietly and ruffles Harley’s hair with a shaky hand.

“You smell funny,” Harley comments, taking a small half step back from Tony and wrinkling his nose at him.

Tony stands frozen, looking like he doesn’t know what to say.

“Go clean up your room,” Carol says and shoos Harley back from Tony. “Your grandma’s coming for dinner, and I  _ know you're _ going to want to show her all your new. And if you think I’m going to let you take her in that messy room of yours, you are wrong.”

He looks a little disappointed, but much to Carol’s relief he doesn’t argue.

“Mama Rhodes is coming?” Tony asks sheepishly and shuffles his feet.

“Yeah, she’ll be happy to see you.” Carol frowns as a petrified look crosses Tony’s face. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing, it’s just been a while,” Tony says awkwardly.

Carol sighs understandingly as she looks him over. “You know she’ll have questions.”

Tony nods.

“I’ve got some makeup in the bathroom, and I think I can work some magic with it,” she offers.

“If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Carol says gently. “Go take a shower, shave, have some Advil, sober up, all that good stuff, and I’ll get you some clean clothes, then we’ll see about covering up some of those bruises, yeah?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Rhodey walks into the house and for a brief moment he thinks he’s dreaming, being swept up in a distant memory of his best friend, back to a time when he was happy, but when Tony turns to face him the look on his bruised face tells Rhodey it’s real.

“Tony?” Rhodey says cautiously and steps a little closer to his best friend who’s wearing on his MIT hoodies and a pair of his sweat pants.

“Yeah.” His voice is shaky as he rises slowly to his feet. “I know I shouldn’t have run off on you. I know you trying to help me, and I’m sorry I was such a- a-”

Rhodey grabs Tony and pulls him into a tight hug before he can finish his confused apology.

“I’m sorry Tony,” Rhodey says holding his friend close. He can smell the alcohol on him even through the heavy scent of shampoo and aftershave. “I’m so sorry Tones.”

“But you didn’t do anything…” Tony says in confusion. “I’m the one who should be sorry, which I am… not you.”

“I know Tony, but you were in a bad place and I could have handled it better,” Rhodey says gently and keeps hugging Tony, who has yet to return the gesture.

“I should have let you help,” Tony says softly.

“You were scared. It’s fine, Tones,” Rhodey promises, just grateful to have his friend back with him and grateful he’s okay. He gently rubs Tony’s back with one hand and he finally wraps his arms around Rhodey and hugs him back. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Me too,” Tony says softly.

“What happened?” Rhodey asks and finally pulls away from his best friend.

“A lot,” Tony says sinking back onto the couch.

“I guessed that much,” Rhodey says and sits next to him. 

Tony ducks his gaze away from him. “I messed up.”

Rhodey doesn’t say anything as he rests his hand reassuringly on Tony’s leg.

“I mean I guess did one thing right before messing everything else up.”

As curious as he is, Rhodey knows better than to try to poke Tony into telling him things. He knows he’ll beat around the bush for a bit before finally cutting to the chase, and with all he’s been through Rhodey’s okay with waiting. He knows it’s difficult for Tony to talk about a lot of things.

“I broke up with Sunset,” Tony mumbles.

“Hence the bruises and nasty cut?” Rhodey asks as his stomach does a little twist of relief. He’d been convinced that Sunset would be the death of Tony. Some nights he’d been afraid she’d kill him, and other nights he’d been afraid Tony would do it for her.

“Yeah,” Tony says quietly. “I went to Pepper after that or she found me on the sidewalk is more like it. She let me stay with her, and I think I fell in love with her, or I fell in love with her more…”

Rhodey’s not exactly sure who Pepper is, but she sounds familiar. His best guess is the woman he’d met at the flower shop. She seemed to genuinely care about Tony and like she was a good person.

“Then I messed everything up. She probably hates me,” Tony mumbles, burying his face in his hands. “I went back to the apartment to get my stuff, and I don’t know, I just couldn’t handle it. I got drunk and just… I passed out on Pepper’s kitchen floor and she found me and I snapped at her. I messed everything up.”

“Tony, if she cares about you I don’t think that’ll be enough to mess everything up.”

“You weren’t there,” Tony says miserably and shakes his head.

“Tony, I think you should try calling her,” Rhodey suggests. 

Tony just groans and flops over sideways on the couch.

“Tones-”

“Can I just crash here while I get it together? I just- I need to think, you know?”

“Okay, Tony,” Rhodey sighs. “I can’t give you the guest room tonight though. Mom’s coming into town for the weekend.”

“That’s fine,” Tony says quietly. “Thanks, Platypus.”

“Anytime.”

_ Warm water pushes against Tony’s body from all sides, but he can barely feel it.  _

_ He feels ice cold as he stares down at his wrist leaking read into the clear water. He can feel his whole body pulsing as his life drains out into the water surrounding.  _

_ He can’t breathe. Death has it’s cold hand wrapped firmly around his throat, choking him. _

_ “ _ **_Remember, you chose this_ ** _ ,” the black abyss says, trying to pull him under the waves of his despair. _

_ He doesn’t fight it as he’s pulled beneath the surface of the bloody water surrounding his body. Or he doesn’t until it’s filling his mouth and choking him. He feels his body convulse and he opens his mouth to scream but no sound escapes as blood rushes in and chokes him. All of it choking him. Drowning him. _

**_“You chose this.”_ **

“Darling?”

Tony sits bolt upright, a scream hanging in the back of his throat. His hand flies to his left wrist as he looks frantically around the dark living room. His scream isn’t the only thing lodged in his throat. He can’t breathe. 

“Tony baby.”

A warm hand wraps around his and squeezes. Tony can’t stop himself flinching at the contact, and forces his gaze down to his trembling hands.

“You’re okay honey.” The voice talking to him is warm and soft. He knows it, he knows he does, but he can’t make himself place it.

“I… I-” Tony trails off, unable to form any more words.

“You’re okay, I’m right here.”

He recognizes it this time and finally manages to calm himself to look the woman sitting next to him on the couch in the eyes.

“You were having a bad dream,” Mamma Rhodes says softly and cups her hand around Tony’s cheek. Tony manages a deep breath as the woman keeps his face in her hands. He can’t stop himself from casting a brief glance down at the scar on his wrist, making sure it’s still just a scar. “I needed to make sure my little white baby was okay.”

Tony lets out a weak and breathy chuckle and leans his head against her shoulder. “Thanks but I’m fine-”

“Anthony Edward Stark don’t you dare even think about saying that,” she scolds looking him sternly in the eyes. “I may be old, but I’m no fool boy.”

Tony smiles weakly and ducks his head. Mamma Rhodes has always been the one person he could never hide anything from. She leans over and turns on the lamp next to the couch. Tony winces at the sudden brightness hitting his eyes and sending throbbing pain through his head.

“I know that,” Tony says quietly.

“Then why are you trying to lie to me, honey?” She demands and pulls a tissue out of her pocket. “And do you think I’ve gone blind?”

“What?”

“Carol was always bad at makeup, I’m just going to say that now,” Mamma Rhodes fusses and very gently wipes the tissue across Tony’s face. “Who beat you like this?”

Tony shakes his head and keeps his eyes trained on the scar on his wrist, still a little afraid it will tear itself open and bleed him out.

“If you aren’t gonna talk, I will,” she says sternly.

Tony still can’t bring himself to tell her what happened.

“I know that you just had a dream about that.” She gestures to his left wrist. “And I know someone beat you up mighty good about three days ago, and I know Carol tried to cover it up with makeup so I wouldn’t know, and I know that you are very hungover on whiskey. Now, you wanna know what else I gather from all that?”

Tony shakes his head. “Can we please just not talk about it?”

Mamma Rhodes pulls him in close, and for the first time since going back to the Sunset’s apartment that he feels completely safe. “Okay baby doll, but you need to promise me you’ll take care of yourself. No more whiskey or getting beat up, okay?”

Tony nods weakly.

“And no more thinking about doing that again,” she says as she runs one figure gently down the scar on his arm. “You’re my little white baby, and I don’t want you hurting yourself, especially when you have people around you who love you and will help you with whatever you need.”

Tony nods mutely. He’s not entirely sure how she knew he’d been thinking about dying again, but he doesn’t question it because she always seems to know everything. Part of him is glad she knows because he knows she’ll take care of him and won’t let him do it again.

“I just can’t do anything right,” Tony says quietly after a long stretch of silence.

“That’s a big load of horse shit if I ever smelled any,” Mama Rhodes retorts.

“But nothing that matters,” Tony mumbles.

“You don’t think helping that woman at your firm get justice mattered?”

“I guess it did…” Tony says absently.

“Just because some things got messed up it doesn’t mean everything is messed up. You have a tendency to blow things out of proportion dear, and it’s not your fault. It’s just the way your brain works. You need to trust people, the right people mind you, but people all the same. Trust the people who care about you and will help you back up when you fall. I know that there are at least three in this house right now. Hang on to people like that and you’ll be just fine,” Mama Rhodes says gently and kisses the top of Tony’s head.

As he drifts back to sleep in the safety of Mama Rhodes’ arms he decides he’ll go see Pepper in the morning. He’s pretty sure she’s the kind of person his friend’s mother was talking about.


	11. Orchid

Pepper pulls open the apartment door to head to work and finds herself standing face to face with Tony. A confusing wave of emotions floods over her a breathtaking torrent. First comes relief, it’s so strong and she releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding. He’s okay, or he looks okay, much better than he had yesterday. He looks slightly hungover, but he also lookes like he’s cleaned himself up… a lot. And he’s definitely not dead like she had feared most of the night.

“Your okay…” she chokes just as the anger hits her. He’s fine, which means he could have called her any time over the past 12 hours instead of making her worry. Sure she would take him being okay and not calling her over him being hurt and calling her any day, but she’s still angry. “Why the hell didn’t you call me? I thought maybe you were dead! You just up and vanished! I called you, you know? And then I called around to hospitals and then I went looking for you! Tony, where the hell were you!”

“I uh…” he mutters quietly and stares at the floor for a few seconds before lifting his head to face her. “I’m sorry I scared you. I thought I messed everything up with me being drunk on your kitchen floor and all and then snapping at you like I did. Which I’m also sorry about. I know you were just trying to help, and I appreciate it, but I just… I was  _ really  _ mad at myself for letting you find me like that and also for being like that in the first place. I’m so so  _ so  _ sorry I ran off like that. It won’t happen again.”

Pepper’s anger boils down back into relief as she looks into his big brown eyes that are conveying a sea of emotions.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Pepper says and wraps her arms around Tony in a tight hug. “Please don’t ever do that to me again.”

“I won’t. I promise,” Tony says softly and rests his chin on her shoulder. 

Pepper gives him a quick kiss on the cheek before pulling away. Tony blushes and clears his throat awkwardly.

“Sorry,” Pepper breathes and looks away.

“I um… it’s fine I just wasn’t…” Tony mumbles before straightening up. “I think we should talk about yesterday.”

“Tony it’s fine, I understand-”

“But it wasn’t okay, Pepper. I have a drinking problem and I hurt you because of it, and that’s not okay,” Tony says firmly. “I shouldn’t have been passed out drunk on your kitchen floor. None of it should have happened.”

Overall the events of the previous day hadn’t been that bad apart from worrying about him. Him snapping at her had startled her at first, even scared her a little, but it wasn’t as big of a deal as Tony seems to think it was. It’d been only a natural response to his anger, and he hadn’t hurt her in any way. She’d put it on the same level as some of the arguments she’s had Hope over laundry or rent. It certainly hadn’t been anything relationship ending, but it seems to be so much worse from where Tony is sitting. She can see the guilt in his eyes. It seems like he thinks he’s committed some horrible atrocity, and to him maybe he did.

“I forgive you Tony,” Pepper says, taking one of his hands in hers.

“I don’t want to hurt you…” Tony says ducking his head.

“You better not be breaking up our little friendship,” Pepper says almost as a joke, but completely meaning.

“No, no, nothing like that, just… I think I should find my own place.”

“Oh.” Pepper tries to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

“I think I need the space, you know? Time to get my head right so that if this, what me and you have, goes a further I’m ready. I’m a mess, Pepper.”

“Tony, you said you’d let me help you, and I still want to do that.”

Tony smiles at her weakly. “I know, and you still can, but getting sober, that’s something you can’t do for me. I have to take that step for myself, and I think I’m finally ready to take it. I wasn’t ready before, that’s why getting help didn’t work. I didn’t want it then. I want it now. I’ve- for a long time I was content to just be miserable. That’s why I stayed with Sunset as long as I did, but I’m ready to stop being miserable, I think.” He squeezes her hand a little tighter. “I felt like I was wasting something all those years I spent wallowing in my pain and self pity, and now I know was. This heart…” He guides Pepper’s hand up so it’s resting against his muscular chest. She can feel the scar under the thin fabric of his t-shirt. “It was a gift given out of love, and since the moment it was given it really hasn’t done that again. Not really. Until now, that is.” He leans forward so his warm forehead is pressed against Pepper’s. “I love you, Pepper.”

Pepper bridges the gap and presses her lips against his lips as warm butterflies erupt in her stomach. To her relief Tony doesn’t fight the move, he only leans in and wraps his strong arms around her.

“I love you too, Tony,” Pepper breathes, and she means it.

* * *

“Is everything alright?”

Tony jumps as a gentle hand rests on his shoulder snapping him out of his spacey thoughts.

“Um yeah, I’m fine,” Tony says quickly and looks up at the man standing next to him. “I got lost in thought.”

“I can tell,” the other man says and sits down next to him. “Sorry if I startled you.”

“It’s fine,” Tony says with a shrug. “Worse things have happened.”

The other man snorts a little, before offering him his hand. “I’m Harold, but everyone calls me Happy.”

“Tony,” Tony replies and takes the man’s hand.

“It’s lovely to meet you, Tony,” Happy says with a friendly smile. “You were very quiet, I hope you still had a good experience. These things can be a little overbearing for some people, especially first time visitors.”

“Well, this isn’t technically my first time around,” Tony admits. “I tried when I was younger, but I wasn’t ready to quit then.”

“Mmh, I’ve been there myself,” he says nodding understandingly. “I’m glad you’re trying again, that's a good first step toward recovery.”

“I just feel like maybe I should have said something.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Happy says encouragingly. “It’s not an easy thing to do, talking about your addiction in front of other people I mean.”

“Yeah,” Tony says studying one of the floor tiles closely. “It’s just a lot to take in.”

“Agreed there,” Happy says. “If you ever need anything, give me a call.” The man hands Tony a business card. “I always answer.”

“Thanks,” Tony says weakly and takes the card. He’s beginning to feel very drained and shaky. The AA meeting wasn’t eventful, but still somehow managed to drop a thousand pounds of stress on his shoulders.

“Would you like to get some dinner?” Happy asks after a short spell of silence. “You look like you could use some stress relief, and there’s a great place just down the street from here.”

“Maybe some other time, I should probably get home before it gets too late. I have work in the morning.”

If Happy’s disappointed he doesn’t show it. “Alright, well I’ll walk you out then.”

Neither of them say anything as they walk out of the small community center and into the brisk outside air. It’s not until Tony flags down a cab that Happy speaks again.

“I know it might be early for you to be thinking, but I’m open if you need a sponsor. I’ve been sponsoring people for a while now, so it’s just something to think about.”

“I might take you up on that offer,” Tony says as he opens the door to the cab. “Thanks.”

“Have a good night, Tony.”

“You too.” Tony slides into the cab and closes the door behind him.


	12. Yellow Carnation

“So,” Pepper says casually as she leans over the counter so her face is a few inches from Tony’s. “How’d last night go?”

“It could have been better,” Tony says absently and continues counting out change into the drawer. “But there’s a guy who’s willing to be my sponsor, so that’s good I guess.”

“That’s great!” Pepper says excitedly. She wishes she could be the one to help through the steps to being sober. And while she knows she can help him some, she knows in the case she won’t be enough. He needs someone who’s been where he is. “So I take it you’re going to keep going back?”

“I’ll try,” Tony says as he finishes sorting the cash in the drawer. “It’s tough. Talking about stuff with you is different than talking about stuff with a group of strangers.”

“That’s understandable, but I don’t think anyone is there to judge people,” Pepper says. “They’re there for help just like you.”

“Yeah, it can still get a little overbearing. When I tried a while back I ended up drinking more because I got stressed, so I’m taking slow this time,” Tony explains. “I don’t want to go back down that particular road.”

“I’m proud of you Tony,” Pepper muses and Tony looks up at her for the first time that morning.

“And why’s that?” he asks giving her a confused look.

“Because you’re trying even though you’re obviously still scared. That’s a good thing- well not the being scared part, but the trying part. You care enough to try to get better and that’s a good thing.”

Tony leans his forehead against hers. “You showed me that there’s something out there worth trying for.”

Pepper can feel herself blushing. “But you made the choice, and that’s something to be proud of.”

“Thanks, Pep,” Tony whispers and gives her a small kiss on the lips.

She blushes a little more.

“I don’t pay you two to stand around and make heart eyes at each other all morning,” Steve says, announcing his presence behind them.

Tony rolls his eyes and pulls away from Pepper. “We’ll have to pick this up later.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that!” Pepper calls after him as he walks back to the storeroom.

“You know, whatever happened the other week it worked miracles for your relationship, and I think I’m regretting getting as nosey as I did,” Steve comments as he comes to a standstill next to Pepper.

“Well, thanks for hiring him,” Pepper says quietly. She hates thinking about what would have happened if Steve hadn’t hired Tony.

“He makes you smile, so I had to jump at the opportunity,” Steve says with a shrug. “I like seeing you happy, Pepper. And for what it’s worth I think he needed you too.”

Pepper smiles slightly as Steve turns and walks away to start setting out clearance signs, before grabbing the broom to start sweeping.

“Ding dong,  _ bitch. _ ”

Pepper looks up with a start as the customer service bell dings loudly right next to her ear and discovers Sunset towering over her on the other side of the counter. 

“Excuse me?” Pepper growls as she straightens up. She can practically feel her hair standing on end with a mix of alarm and the sudden urge to fight the woman standing before her.

“I need to talk to Tony,” she says demandingly.

“No,” Pepper says firmly. “You need to leave.”

“Um, no. I’m the customer, you don’t talk to me like that!” Sunset snaps angrily.

“No. You’re the abusive ex girlfriend who has no right coming within ten miles of my boyfriend,” Pepper says bluntly and crosses her arms over her chest. 

Sunset’s face goes red and a dangerous fire leaps into her eyes. “What did you just call him?”

“You heard me,” Pepper says keeping her voice low and even. She’s not letting Sunset anywhere near Tony, even if it means physically fighting her and losing her job. “Now you need to leave.”

Sunset’s glare shifts ever so slightly so it’s directed at something behind her, and Pepper can see Tony just out of the corner of her eye. He’s frozen stiff like a deer caught in the headlights of a car about to end its life.

“Tony, would you mind coming over here so I can talk to you for a minute?” Sunset calls. “This bitch here seems to think you’re not capable of having an adult conversation.”

Pepper clenches her teeth, anger and adrenaline pumping into her veins.

“Don’t call her that.” the harshness in Tony’s voice startles Pepper. She half expected him to collapse into his inner catacomb of safety and not say anything at all.

“Whatever just get over here would you?” Sunset demands. 

To Pepper’s dismay, Tony strides over and gently nudges her out of the way. She hates that he decided to obey Sunset.

“Thank you-”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Tony says bluntly. “I’m not here to humor you or serve your every wish. I’m here to tell you to get out.”

“You can’t kick me out!” Sunset’s voice is almost a shout.

“Actually he can,” Pepper says and points to the small sign next to the register. “In case you can’t read it, that says we have the right to turn down service to anyone we like.”

“So leave,” Tony says firmly. “And don’t ever try to talk to me or Pepper again.”

“But-”

“Now!” Tony snarls, his voice low and menacing. “Your part in my life is over.”

Sunset opens and closes her mouth a few times before finally turning and fleeing the store. As soon as she’s gone Tony seems to just collapse next to Pepper, and she realizes some time during the confrontation his hand had worked its way into hers. It’s shaking uncontrollably.

“It’s okay Tony,” Pepper promises and pulls Tony into a tight hug. “It’s okay.”

He heaves a heavy sigh. “I know Pepper. I know.”

“She’s not going to hurt you anymore.”

“I know.”

Pepper lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding as Tony slowly relaxes in her embrace. “Thank you for backing me up.”

“I wasn’t about to let her push you around too,” Tony says quietly. “I love you Pep, no one's going to disrespect you as long as I’m around.”

“I had it under control.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Tony says, his breath hitching in his throat. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to just sit on my ass and let you deal with her alone.”

Pepper slowly lets her own breathing catch up with itself as she stands with Tony. 

“Let’s just hope that she never comes back,” Pepper breathes.

“I don’t think she will,” Tony replies and straightens up. “She knows not to mess with us now. She knows I’m done with her bullshit.”

It’s drizzling when Tony steps out into the dark night. He can feel his hands quivering in his pockets, he’s pretty sure they’re still shaking from his near panic attack earlier in the day. His chest still feels tight and there’s a nagging tug in his gut, a deep and unquenchable craving to drown his residual fear and panic in a glass of whiskey. He keeps his eyes trained on the glowing sign hanging above the small bar less than a block from his apartment. He’s done a good job, he’s made it just over a week without a drink, he can make a small splurge. He just needs enough to get his nerves under control, then he’ll walk back home and sleep it off. 

He clenches his fists in his pockets, trying to make his hands stop shaking long enough to open the door to the bar. It takes him a second, but he manages to get his nerves long enough to open the door and slip into the warm building. He slides onto one of the stools at the counter.

“What can I do for you tonight?” the bartender asks setting a glass down in front of him.

“A whiskey,” Tony mumbles and runs one shaking hand through his hair.

“Comin’ right up,” the woman says retrieving a bottle from the shelf.

Tony opens his wallet to pull out some cash and stops dead as the card Happy left him falls onto the counter.

“Um, hold that will you,” Tony says slowly just as the bartender is about to pour his drink. 

“Alright, let me know when you want it,” she says and moves off to serve other customers.

Tony stares down at the little white card before finally pulling his phone out and calling the number. It rings a few times, and Tony almost hopes that the man won’t answer so he can have his drink with some small amount of peace of mind.

“Hello?”

Tony’s breath hitches in his throat at the sound of Happy’s friendly voice on the other end, and for a second he’s at a loss for words.

“Is anyone there?” Happy asks, his voice is drowsy and Tony can’t help but wonder if he woke him up.

“Yeah,” Tony chokes. “It’s me, Tony. You gave me your card-”

“Hey! What’s up?” Happy says, all traces of tiredness leaving his voice. “Is everything okay? It’s like 1:00 A.M.”

“Yeah, I just uh- I’m at a bar,” Tony says quietly.

“Oh.” There’s worry in Happy’s voice. “Have you had anything to drink?”

“Not yet,” Tony says quietly.

“Do you want me to come get you?”

Tony swallows hard. “No, I just… yes please.”

“Where are you?”

“Randy’s,” Tony says quietly.

“Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes. Do you think you can hang on until I get there?”

“Yeah,” Tony mumbles.

“Okay, hang in there buddy.”

Tony slides the small white card back into his wallet and slips off the bar stool. Every fiber of his body is screaming at him to turn around and get a drink, drown all his pain and fear, but he doesn’t. He shoves his wallet back into his pocket and pushes his way out of the bar and back outside to wait for Happy.


	13. Yellow Rose

"Tony, would you like to add anything?"

Tony looks up, taken by surprise by the question from Sam, the guy who runs the meetings. He shakes his head, his breath catching in his throat. Sam sighs and looks a little disappointed, but doesn't push him.

"Come on," Jess, an NYPD detective who from her stories drinks to cope with people's stupidity, pipes up next to him. "You've been coming here for three weeks and you haven't said anything. At least tell us  _ something. _ "

“Jess,” Sam’s voice is low and scolding. “It’s perfectly acceptable for him to not say anything.”

“No, she’s right.” Tony’s voice quivers as he speaks. “You guys deserve to know at least a little bit about me.”

“So you want to share?” Sam asks.

“It’ll help,” Jess adds.

Tony swallows back the knot in the back of his throat and nods before speaking. “I’m Tony.” he waits for the various hellos to quiet down before he continues. He takes a deep breath. “I’ve been an alcoholic for seven years. I started after my mom died. I never even wanted to quit… not until now that is.”

“What changed?” Happy asks from where he’s sitting next to him.

“I uh… I meat someone, and I’d really like to not mess it up. I’ve made it about three weeks without a drink, so I um- I guess maybe the motivation is working.”

“That’s great Tony,” Happy says and pats him on the shoulder.

“Anything else you want to add?” Sam asks kindly.

Tony shakes his.

“Well thank you for sharing,” Sam says kindly.

Tony finds himself with an odd sense of relief about finally talking and being at least a little open.

“Hey!” Tony calls and stops Jess after the meeting. She looks a little surprised by him initiating first contact but doesn’t comment on it. “Thanks.”

“For what?” she asks squinting at him.

“Pushing me into talking.”

“Oh, you’re welcome I guess. You just reminded me of me and actually talking really helped me. I’m it didn’t help me quit… just ya know, helped me mentally,” Jess says with a shrug. Over the few weeks that Tony’s been going Jess hasn’t made it more than a week without a drink. She keeps just enough space between her drinking bouts to avoid the effects of withdrawal. “Talking is good, especially after keeping things bottled up for a while.”

“Yeah,” Tony agrees.

“Well, I gotta go. Have a good night Tony.”

“You too, and see you next week?”

“Of course!” Jess calls over her shoulder as she pushes her way outside.

* * *

With each passing week, Tony seems to get better and better and get closer to returning to the happy go lucky man who had helped her clean up a broken pot just over six months ago. Only this time, Pepper’s pretty sure his happiness isn’t just an act to cover his deep emotional scars. He seems to be really and truly happy. The cut on his forehead is almost completely gone, and he just seems lighter. He’s even taken to singing various songs as he works, and Pepper has started joining him. She’s pretty sure they’re starting to annoy Steve, which honestly makes her all the more happy to burst into song with Tony and dance around the small flower shop.

“Hey,” Tony says sliding next to Pepper.

“You better not make me drop these pots,” Pepper says quickly as she places a stack of pots on the counter.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Tony replies. “You’re little pot at home doesn’t need any new friends.”

“Yeah, and my paycheck doesn’t need any money missing from it,” she adds dusting off her hands.

“I think that goes for both of us,” Tony agrees. “Anyhow, I was thinking- or wondering if you wanted to get together tonight with me and Rhodey? I was thinking it’s about time you meet him.”

“That sounds great!” Pepper says. She only met Rhodey the one time when he had come into the shop looking for Tony. He’d seemed like a nice guy, even if she’d been skeptical of his motives at first. “Where are we meeting?”

“Oh, there’s a little Italian place down the street from here,” Tony says. “I was going to meet him there after work. It’s nothing fancy, but I thought maybe you’d like to come along.”

“Yeah, definitely.”

“Great!” Tony says happily just as the bell above the door jingles. “I’ll go take care of that.”

Pepper smiles after him as he spins on his heels and heads to the door to offer his assistance to the customer.

* * *

Tony stays quiet most of the meal, only occasionally jumping in to add his two cents to the conversation, but for the most part he seems quite content to just sit and listen as Pepper exchanges stories with Rhodey about college and work and random fun adventures. It’s not until they lapse into silence that Tony finally initiates conversation.

“So as both of you already know, I’ve been going to AA meetings for a while now,” Tony starts, and both Pepper and Rhodey turn their attention to him. “In about two weeks they’re doing a thing for a few people who are going on three months sober, and um… I’m one of them-”

“Tones that’s great!” Rhodey exclaims as he hops from the table and gives Tony a congratulatory hug before returning his seat. Pepper feels pride swelling up in her chest as she gives Tony’s hand a squeeze.

“That’s amazing, sweetie.”

Tony gives them both a second to quiet down before he continues talking. “They said that we could bring one or two family members with us just for the little ceremony thing they do. I very briefly thought about bringing Howard just to stick it to him, but I’d much rather have you two there… if you want to come-”

“Of course we’ll come,” Pepper says quickly, giving his cheek a quick kiss. “I’m so proud of you Tony. I wouldn’t dream of missing it.”

“Neither would I,” Rhodey says firmly. “I’m so- you’ve come so far Tony.”

“I mean the invite only stands if I make it that long.”

“Tony, you’ll make it that long,” Pepper says confidently and looks him in the eyes.

“You’ve made it this far, these last two weeks will be a breeze for you,” Rhodey says comfortingly.

Tony flashes them both a grateful smile and doesn’t voice anymore of his doubts. Pepper can see in his eyes that they are still there, festering inside his mind. It makes her heart ache for him. She wishes more than anything that she could make him believe in himself as much as she believes in him, but she knows deep down that it’s not a realistic thing to wish for right now. Maybe someday he’ll learn to have faith in himself, but right now he still seems to be running on the self doubt that he’s been pushing on himself for years and as long as he is he’ll keep on second guessing himself.

“I’m going to go pay for the food,” Tony announces after an awkward moment of silence. “And don’t try to fight me on this. It’s the least I can do to pay you guys back for letting me squat at your places on various occasions.”

As soon as Tony’s gone, Rhodey snaps his head around and locks eyes with Pepper.

“Thank you Pepper.” Rhodey’s words are full of relief and gratitude.

“For what?” she asks, trying not to sound confused.

“For getting my best friend back, for saving him,” Rhodey says quietly. “Three months was a pipe dream. I- there have been so many times where I’ve just stopped and gone, this is it. I’m going to lose him this time. It happened when he got sick, and again when he- you know, and then with Sunset, I didn’t think he was going to make it. I was convinced he was going to get too drunk one night and end it. And now here he is Pepper, almost three months sober, and it’s because of you. Thank you.”

“I’m not- he made the choice on his own-”.

“He made the choice for you,” Rhodey interrupts her. “Whether you’re too humble to admit or not, you saved him. You made him see something in this world worth living for. Thank you for that. Thank you for my best friend.”

Pepper’s not sure how to respond and is grateful when Tony comes back and plops himself down next to her. “What’d I miss?”

“Nothing much,” Rhodey says with a shrug as he leans back in his chair and sneaks a look at his watch. “I should probably get going. The Misses will probably be wanting me home in time to tuck Harley into bed.”

“And we both have work early,” Pepper says with a sigh.

“It was lovely getting to know you,” Rhodey says and offers Pepper his hand as he stands up from the table.

“Likewise,” Pepper says in agreement and takes his hand.

“And it was great seeing you again, Tony,” Rhodey says and gives Tony a quick hug before heading for the door. “Both of you be safe getting home!”

“Would you like me to walk you home?” Tony asks as he and Pepper step out into the chilly night air.

“I wouldn’t mind the company,” Pepper says and wraps her arms around Tony’s. “You were rather quiet at dinner.”

“Yeah, I was enjoying listening to you and Rhodey talk,” Tony says with a shrug.

“What else was on your mind?” Pepper asks, looking up at him.

He sighs, and his breath freezes in the air. “That was the first time since the accident that I ate there.”

“Oh,” Pepper says quietly.

“Yeah, it used to be my mom’s favorite place to go eat.”

“Are you okay?” Pepper asks with concern.

“Yeah, it was actually kind of nice,” Tony muses. “I forgot how good the food there was.”

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Pepper says and leans her head against his shoulder. They walk in silence the rest of the way to Pepper’s apartment, just soaking up each other’s warm presence.

“Do you wanna come in?” Pepper offers as she gently frees herself from Tony’s soft grip and unlocks the apartment door.

“I should probably be heading home.” The reluctance is clear in his tone as he says this. “It’s cold and dark and finding a taxi will be a pain.”

“What if you just came in and got warmed up before going back out?”

Tony smiles at her knowingly. “Okay, I can do that.”

“Make yourself at home,” Pepper says as she opens the apartment door.

“Thanks, Pep,” Tony says as he enters the apartment and goes to curl up on the couch. “You and Rhodey seemed to get along well.”

“Yeah, he’s great. You’ve got yourself a solid friend,” Pepper says as she sits down next to him. “He really cares about you.”

“Yeah,” Tony says with a sigh.

“And I really care about you,” Pepper adds, placing a soft kiss on Tony’s cheek.

“I love you Pep.”

“I love you too,” Pepper says looking into his passionate eye. She’s glad to see there’s no doubt in them, only warm love.

Tony pulls the fuzzy couch blanket over them and then plants a kiss on Pepper’s lips. She sidles close to him and rests her head on his chest. Tony tucks one arm around her shoulders and then rests his chin on the top of her head. The hairs of his beard are a little prickly, but she doesn’t mind, there’s something reassuring about them or really about him being close. It feels right like it was always meant to be. She’s so happy that he startled her into breaking that pot.


	14. Monkhood

“Do you wanna go out somewhere to celebrate?” Pepper asks as she closes the refrigerator door. “Hope just texted to see if we wanted to get dinner, and we don’t really have much food here.”

“I’m kinda tired,” Tony replies absently, keeping his eyes trained on the small token in his hand. He’s still having trouble wrapping his mind around it. Three months, he’d made it three months without a drink. More importantly, he’d made it three months without  _ needing  _ a drink. Apart from his brief encounter with Sunset, he had no reason to want to drink, nothing was driving him to the bottle. His heart had found a safe place to rest and that’s all he needed, and all he’ll ever need. “You and her can go out though.”

“Are you sure?” Pepper asks and comes to sit down next to him on the couch. “It’s your big night, I can stay and hang out here with you if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. You can go out with Hope,” Tony says. “We can hang out when you two get back.”

“Okay, I’ll bring you some take out.”

“Sounds good,” Tony says with a smile.

“I love you,” Pepper says with a fond smile and kisses him before hopping up off the couch. “Call me if you change your mind and want me to come back, and help yourself to anything you want.”

“Thanks, Pep.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”

“Yes, go have some fun with Hope.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later then.” Pepper runs one hand through his hair on her way out.

“I love you!” Tony calls after her.

“Love you too!” She calls back as the apartment door closes.

Tony lets out a heavy sigh and swings his legs up onto the couch. Part of him wishes he’d told Pepper to stay and that they were both curled up asleep on the couch together right about now, but he knows it’s been a while since she and her roommate have had a night out, so he’s fine with spending a few hours alone.

Tony is pulled out of his nap by someone knocking persistently on the apartment door. 

“I’m coming,” he groans, blinking his eyes a few times as he stumbles to the door. “I’m coming, just hang on.”

Tony unlocks the door and opens it. 

“What, did you forget your-” Tony breaks off as his eyes meet Sunset’s. She has tears streaking down her red cheeks and she looks like she hasn’t slept in days. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry,” she chokes and runs the back of her hand over her nose. “I know you don’t want to see me, but I need your help, Tony.”

Tony swallows back the lump in his throat, he’s half tempted to close the door in the woman’s face, but against his better judgment, he leaves it open. “What do you want?”

“I- I think my boyfriend is trying to kill me,” she sobs. “He tried to- oh Tony it was so awful… I’m sorry…”

Tony’s stomach twists out of pity. He wouldn’t wish the various beatings he’d gotten on anyone, not even his worst enemy. Not even her.

“Did you try calling the police?” Tony asks swallowing back his panic.

“He’s a police officer, it won’t do anything.”

“Did he follow you here?” 

“I don’t know,” she says frantically. “Please, just don’t leave me out here alone.”

Tony bites the inside of his cheek until it bleeds and clenches his fist to stop it from shaking too much.

“You can come in for now until you can come up with a plan, then you need to go.”

“Oh thank you so much!” Sunset breathes and moves into the apartment as he steps aside. He closes the door behind her.

“You can sit in one of the kitchen chairs. I’m gonna go call Pepper,” Tony says, it takes all of his strength just to stop his voice from shaking.

“Don’t do that,” Sunset whines. “She’ll make me leave and then he’ll find me.”

Tony lets out a shaky sigh. He knows she’s right which is part of the reason he wants to call Pepper. He sets his cell phone down on the arm of the couch and decides not to doom Sunset to the same fate he’d suffered many times.

“Okay, but she’s going to come home soon, so I’d suggest you come up with a plan before then.”

“We could run away,” Sunset says hopefully. “You could protect me, now that I know what I did it won’t happen again.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Tony says quietly.

“But he’ll  _ kill me _ if he catches me alone,” she pleads.

“I’m not going with you. We’re over Sunset. I’m with Pepper now, and I am  _ happy. _ ”

“You could be happy with me,” she says softly. “I miss you so much Tony. I promise I won’t hurt you ever again, just please come with me.”

“No,” Tony snaps. “The very fact that you had to tell me you won’t hurt me  _ again _ is proof enough that I shouldn’t go, besides, I love Pepper now, not you.”

A frown comes across Sunset’s face and she grips her small handbag a little tighter.

“Just come with me, please. I miss you Tony. I  _ need  _ you!”

“But I don’t,” Tony says firmly.

“What?” She sounds shocked and hurt.

“I don’t need you anymore, in fact, I never needed you, and I don’t miss you. I’m happy you’re not in my life anymore. I know that may sound harsh, but it’s true. I love Pepper. Not you, and I’m not going anywhere with you."  


"But-"

"There isn't an abusive boyfriend, is there?” Tony demands, knowing he's been played. "You just needed an excuse for me to let you in."

Sunset shakes her head miserably, her face pinched up and hateful. “You’re still as gullible as the day we met.”

“You need to leave,” Tony says between clenched teeth, cursing himself for trusting her…  _ again. _

Sunset doesn’t say anything else. She seems to just close in on herself as she stares blankly down at the hardwood floor of the apartment.

Tony shakes his head and grabs his phone off the arm of the couch. He’s in the process of unlocking it when a bone chilling click sounds next to his ear and something cold and metallic presses against the side of his head sending a shiver down his spine. He can see Sunset standing next to him just out of the corner of his eye. 

“You should have chosen me.”

The deafening bang next to his ear is the last thing he hears.


	15. Black Rose

“Well that place was a bust,” Hope says as she slides the key into the lock. “My mom could make better chicken than that, and she couldn’t cook for shit!” And Pepper laughs. “At least the waiter was nice.”

“Shit,” Pepper swears and face palms. “We forgot to get something for Tony!”

“I’m sure as soon as he hears how terrible that food was, he won’t mind at all.”

“And he definitely won’t regret not coming with us,” Pepper chuckles as Hope swings the door open. She stops laughing as soon as her friend’s arm flies out and bumps her chest, stopping her from walking inside. “What?”

“Call 911 right now,” Hope chokes.

“What? Why-” her words die in her throat as she sees it. Her vision goes blurry for a second as her heart does a flip in her chest as her breath catches in her throat. She can’t make herself move as she stares in horrified shock at Tony who’s laying on the floor with his head resting in a pool of blood and a small gun in one hand.

“Pepper! Call 911!” Hope shouts and rushes to Tony’s side. 

Pepper still can’t make herself move, she’s stuck in place pinned down by Tony’s blank stare boring into her. She can’t even blink or look away.

“Pepper!” Hope’s scream in high and shrill and shatters the haze hanging around her. “Get over here!”

Pepper shakes herself free from her trance and rushes to Tony’s side. Hope already has her phone out and pressed against his ear. Pepper can feel her heart pounding in her throat as she looks over Tony’s body.

“Elevate his head,” Hope orders. “Not too much, just- hold him, Pepper.”

Pepper does as she’s told and gently lifts his blood soaked head into her lap. The blood is hot and sticky as it slips between her fingers and soaks into her pants. She can see the hole in his head now, dark blood is bubbling from it in a slow lazy trickle. She thinks she’s going to throw up. She works one hand down to his neck, almost not even daring to check his pulse for fear of what it will tell her. It’s not really relief that floods over her as her fingers find his pulse that’s barely even there, it’s just a slight feeling of hope, but the kind of hope that leads to disappoint. Like being little and asking for a pony for Christmas despite living in the city. There’s no way you’ll get the pony, and yet, the vaguest feeling of hope is still there. She knows his heart isn’t going to keep beating, but the vaguest feeling of hope is still there because it hasn’t stopped yet. He isn’t dead yet. He could still make it. She keeps her finger pressed against his neck. It seems like an eternity in between each weak thump of his heart. One tiny eternity full of fear and dread, one impossibly long instant of waiting for the next little bump against her finger, waiting for the next tiny eternity and not knowing if it will come. She closes off the world around her and just lives by the tiny eternities passing by. She doesn’t think about the fact that he’d had a gun in his hand, she doesn’t pay attention to whatever Hope is saying to the 911 operator, she doesn’t let her mind wander to the blood soaking into her pants, and she doesn’t let herself think about how impossible him surviving is. She just stays with him, barely even managing to breathe as she holds his head in her lap. She thinks that maybe she can see a tear at the edge of one of his hollow brown eyes.

Before she knows it the weight of his head is being lifted from her lap and she can no longer feel his heartbeat against her fingers. She panics and for a few terrifying seconds she can’t breathe, then she’s being pulled to her feet, and she realizes she can no longer feel his pulse because he is no longer there. He’s being lifted gently onto a stretcher. Pepper moves forward to try and follow him as the stretcher is pushed through the doorway, but Hope’s arms wrap around her and stop her.

“You can’t ride with him.” Her voice is soft and gentle in Pepper’s ear. “They need space so they can save him.”

“No, I have to be with him!” Pepper chokes and pulls against her friend’s grip. She has to be there for him. She can’t leave him alone.

“Pepper, listen to me! You can’t ride with him,” Hope says urgently and tightens her grip around Pepper’s body.

“No!” Pepper screams. “No!”

She sinks to the ground taking Hope with her.

“He can’t die,” she sobs and throws herself into Hope’s arms. “He can’t…” her eyes settle on the gun laying on the floor not far from the pool of blood. “He wouldn’t…”

“Excuse me miss.”

Pepper lifts her head up and finally manages to pull her gaze away from the tile floor of the ER waiting room to find herself face to face with a friendly looking woman with a badge hanging around her neck.

“I’m detective Jones, I know this must be very difficult for you, but I need to ask you some questions about your boyfriend.”

Pepper swallows hard. “Okay.”

She can feel Hope still rubbing her back gently.

“I’ll take it nice slow, okay?”

Pepper nods mutely.

“I already got most of the story from your friend, now I just need to ask you some questions about him, okay?”

Pepper nods her head again, not entirely trusting herself to speak.

“Does he have a history with drinking or depression or suicidal thoughts or attempted suicide, anything like that?”

“No,” Pepper chokes. “I mean yes he does but that’s not what this is. He wouldn’t do it again. He was fine. I just saw him. He was okay… he was finally okay. He wouldn’t kill himself.”

“But he has tried before?”

“Yeah, once. It was after a heart transplant. It was a long time ago. He’s okay now. He wouldn’t try to do it again,” Pepper says, desperate to make the detective know that Tony wouldn’t shoot himself. Not now, not after he’d been through and after everything he’d accomplished.

“Has seemed depressed lately?”

“No, I’m telling you, he was fine!” Pepper says firmly. “He’d just made progress with quitting drinking. Three months sober, he made it three months.”

“And you don’t think that he had any underlying depression? Sometimes quitting can cause depression to-”

“He didn’t shoot himself!” Pepper snaps. “He wouldn’t.”

“Okay,” the detective says quietly and stands up. “Thank you for your time.”

As soon as the woman is gone Pepper lets her head fall back into her hands and her tears finally begin to fall.

Rhodey’s eyes fall on Pepper almost immediately as he rushes into the hospital waiting room. He can barely breathe as he runs to and sinks to the ground in front of the crying woman.

“Pepper what happened?” he chokes as she looks up at him with grief stricken blue eyes. Her cheeks are stained with tears.

“I don’t know.”

“Where’s Tony?” Rhodey says urgently, searching Pepper’s eyes for answers.

“Surgery,” Pepper says absently. Her gaze is distant and lost.

The woman sitting next to her reaches up and tugs Rhodey’s sleeve to get his attention. She nods her head toward the corner of the room signaling him to go over there.

“Pepper, I’m going to get up for a minute, okay?” She whispers to Pepper, who nods silently. 

The woman gets up and walks to the far side of the room. Rhodey gives Pepper a quick pat on the back before following.

“What happened?” Rhodey asks as soon as they are out of earshot of Pepper.

The woman purses her lips and swallows hard before answering. “I’m Pepper’s roommate. Me and her went out a few hours ago to hang out or whatever, and when we got back- I think he shot himself.”

Rhodey’s stomach drops. “ _ What? _ ”

“I didn’t want to say it in front of her. She’s in shock and denial.”

“How do you know that?” Rhodey demands. “Why would he shoot himself? He was doing so well, he was  _ happy. _ ”

He knows why. It had been the exact same many years ago. Tony had been doing great, he’d started weaning himself off alcohol, he’d been happy, or seemed happy. Rhodey had finally stopped worrying about him, then he’d come home early from work and found Tony bleeding out in the bathtub. He probably wasn’t happy at all, it had all just been a cover to hide his pain.

“He had a gun in his hand and…” Pepper’s roommate trails off. “I wish it wasn’t true. I’m sorry.”

Rhodey nods silently, defeat washing over him slow tantalizing waves. He thought Tony had finally done it, finally won, finally broken free from the demon that’d been clinging to his back almost his whole life.

“Where’d he do it?”

“The head. It was a through and through.”

“A lot of blood,” Rhodey says mostly to himself. Head wounds bleed a lot, especially ones that go all the way through.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t think he’s going to make it, do you?”

The woman nods her head solemnly. “I’m sorry.”

Rhodey bows his head in silent defeat. Not only had Tony been unable to free himself from the devil on his back, but it had just won.

“Jones, why are we here?” Val demands as her partner ducks under the yellow crime scene tape. “He shot himself. The doctors are calling it suicide.”

“Attempted suicide,” Jess corrects as she straightens her back to observe the pool of blood on the floor of the apartment. “He’s still in surgery.”

Val scoffs a little as she too lets her eyes rest on the large pool of blood on the ground. “It  _ will  _ be suicide with a puddle that big.”

“Or murder,” Jess says quietly.

“He literally had the gun in his hand when they got home,” Val says in annoyance.

“And which hand was that?” Jess asks.

“Um, the right, the guns laying on what would have been his right hand side,” Val says pointing to where the gun is still laying on the floor.

“Did you read the report from the first responders?” Jess asks narrowing her eyes.

“Not yet, why?”

Jess smiles to herself in the way she always does when she’s about to prove she’s right. “Did you at anytime hear what side of his head the exit wound was on?”

“No,” Val sighs. “But I bet you’re going to tell me.”

“The entrance wound was on the  _ left  _ side of his head, and the exit wound was on the  _ right  _ side of his head.”

Val opens her mouth and closes it again as what her partner said sinks in.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say the guys girlfriend was right.”


	16. Poppy

The sun is beginning to peek through the blinds in the hospital waiting room when Pepper opens her eyes.

“How long have I been asleep?” Pepper asks slowly as she lifts her head off Hope’s shoulder. However long it had been, it hadn’t done her any good. The same feeling of hollow dread hangs over her head like a heavy rain cloud, and the knot in her throat is still hanging there tough and bitter.

“You passed out around four,” Hope says absently. “It’s eightish right now.”

Pepper sits up a little straighter, alarm spikes up insider send electrical like bolts of panic through her body. “And they still haven’t come out here with an update!”

Hope shakes her head. “Not yet, but I’ve been on shift for these types of things before. It can be a lot of touch and go for a long time.”

Pepper lets out a heavy sigh of defeat and buries her face in her hands. “This means it’s bad, right?”

Hope’s hesitance to answer answers the question for her. “It was pretty bad, and we don’t know how long he was laying there before we got home…”

“This is all my fault,” Pepper chokes. If she had just stayed home with him this wouldn’t have happened. She’s not even sure how or why it happened. He didn’t do it, she knows that much, deep down she really knows it. After everything and how well he’d been doing, he just wouldn’t. The burning question is: who did shoot him and why?

“Pepper look, there’s nothing you could have done. If was gonna do it he was gonna do it-”

“He didn’t, Hope!” Pepper snaps lifting her head up. “I don’t know why no one believes me.”

“Pepper! There was no one else there to shoot him!” Hope protests. 

“But-”

“Pepper,” Hope whispers softly.

“No.” Pepper insists as anger begins to simmer in her blood. “I know him. He didn’t shoot himself.”

“Excuse me.” Pepper turns around to see a doctor approaching them. “I’m Dr. Banner.”

Pepper stands up quickly, her heart leaping into her throat. The man standing before doesn’t look like he’s about to tell her Tony’s dead. He doesn’t look like someone who just lost a seven hour battle for someone’s life. “Is he going to be okay?”

“He pulled through,” the doctor says, his voice low.

“So he’s going to be okay?” Rhodey pipes up as he comes to stand next to Pepper.

The doctor glances at them nervously. “I’m afraid it’s too early to tell. As of right now, we don’t even know if he’s going to wake up.”

A heavy stone of dread sinks in Pepper’s stomach and a queasy feeling like she’s going to throw up comes over her. 

“He’s in a coma?” Rhodey’s choked question speaks for her, and she feels hollow with dread.

The doctor musters a weak head nod. “He’s breathing on his own and his other life functions are all working as they should, but yes, he is currently comatose.”

Pepper sinks into the closest chair, wiping one shaky hand down her face. “Can we go see him?”

“Not yet. He’s still in post op, but you’ll be notified as soon as he’s ready for visitors.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Pepper hears Rhodey say quietly. Her vision begins to blur with tears as Rhodey rests a gentle hand on her shoulder. She tries and fails to hold her tears back. “He can make it through this.”

“Hi!” Jess says with mock enthusiasm as she throws a file down on the interrogation room table. It takes all of her self control to not leap across the table and strangle the woman sitting across from her. “You must be Ms. Bain.”

The dark haired woman sitting across the table from her nods slightly. “Is there a reason I’m here?”

“I just have a few questions,” Jess replies and seats herself in a chair across the table from Bain and her lawyer. She thumbs through the pictures in her file until she comes to one of the pictures of Stark. She holds it up. “Who’s this guy?”

Bane lifts an eyebrow at the picture. “My ex.”

“Nice! Okay,” Jess says and sets the picture down, and grabs a picture of the gun next. She’s going to nail this woman for what she did to Tony. “And whose is this?”

Bain shakes her head. “How the hell am I supposed to know that? It looks like a random gun.”

“Detective, where are you going with this?” Bain’s lawyer speaks up.

“I’m getting my footing,” Jess replies and then turns her attention back to Bain. “You say you don’t know whose gun it is, and yet it’s registered to you.”

“I don’t- okay, yes it’s my gun, now why do you have a picture of it?”

“I have a picture of it because we found it your ex boyfriend’s apartment. Well technically your ex boyfriend’s girlfriend’s apartment, do you have any idea how that might have happened?”

“The piece of shit probably stole it after I broke up with him,” Bain says bitterly.

Jess narrows her eyes at the woman. “Hmm, guess again.”

“What are you accusing me of here?” Bain demands.

“Shooting your ex in the head.”

Sunset Bain looks absolutely flabbergasted. “I would never! I love him!”

“Wow, that’s… um didn’t you just call him a piece of shit?”

“I get upset thinking about him sometimes- but that’s not important. What happened to him? Is he okay?” Bain says frantically. The concern in her voice is genuine. If it weren’t for the staggering amount evidence Jess has on her, she might actually be inclined to believe the woman.

“Like I said, he got  _ shot  _ in the  _ head.” _

“I can’t believe this, who would want to hurt him? He’s such a great guy!” Bain says mournfully. It makes Jess sick how absolutely full of bullshit this woman is. 

“Okay, I’m going to refresh your memory.” Jess holds up a picture from the security camera reel from outside the apartment door. “Here is you at the apartment door at approximately 9:46 PM.” She holds up another picture. “And here’s him letting you in. Then we have this one of you leaving about ten minutes later.”

“I was going to apologize to him about our break up,” Bain says innocently.

“I see,” Jess says, and holds up a photo of Stark’s two friends entering the apartment. “This happened about five minutes later, and no one else came in or out of the apartment after you left. Now, these two women went inside and found his body on the floor with your gun in his hand.”

“I can’t believe he used my gun to shoot himself,” Bain chokes with a heartbroken expression. “I went to apologize and he got really worked up so I left. He probably just couldn’t handle it. He did try to kill himself before. He slit his wrist. It was really horrible from what I hear...”

“Very interesting theory for what happened, and your plan was clever, I’ll give you that.”

“What-”

“I’m talking,” Jess snarls, tired of pretending not to be absolutely disgusted by the woman sitting opposite her. Tony had been getting it together, Jess had been there for quite a few of the same AA meetings as him, and he’d been trying, he’d even just made it three months without a drink, which was better than she could say for herself. “Since you seem to be real fuzzy on the details, I’m going to tell you exactly what you did to him. You went to him, somehow managed to convince him to let you inside, and then you shot him point blank in the head, and tried to frame it as a suicide knowing that most people would look at the guy with four inch scar in his wrist and immediately say it was a suicide.”

“I would never!”

“Shut up!” Jess shouts. “We know you did it. Your fingerprints are all over that gun, which is, in fact, registered to you and that you never reported missing. Not only that, but you were ridiculously sloppy! Nobody, and I mean nobody shoots themselves in the left side of their head using their right hand. And there wasn't any blowback residue on either of his hands. Not only that, but the vast majority of people don’t shoot themselves while standing up. We found the bullet in the wall at about the same height his head would be, and you didn’t shoot him at an upward angle, the wound in his head goes at a downward angle. So I’m going to say this again. You pressed the barrel of your gun against the side of that man’s head, and you shot him, then in a desperate and sloppy attempt to get out of it, you made it look like he shot himself.”

“That’s not- I loved him!” Bain protests. “I loved him and he betrayed me!”

“Ms. Bain, I would advise you to-” Her lawyer attempts to speak, but is cut off by the woman continuing her rant.

“He betrayed me! He told me he loves that dumb redheaded bitch!” Bain shrieks and stands up so fast her chair tips over. “She made me do it! If she hadn’t stolen him from me I wouldn’t have had to shoot him! He’s mine! Not hers!”

Jess nods her head solemnly and pulls out her hand cuffs. “Sunset Bain, I’m placing you under arrest for the attempted murder of Tony STark-”

“What do you mean attempted? I killed him for what he did!” Sunset howls as Jess pushes her forward and clamps the handcuffs around her wrists.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN ATTEMPTED!”

Jess pulls Sunset upright and glares straight into her eyes. “I mean you didn’t kill him, you sick bitch. He’s going to live happily ever after with the woman who actually loves him and didn’t shoot him in the head.”

Sunset’s jaw drops.

Jess decides not to mention the part about him being comatose with a thin chance of waking up, and on the off chance he does wake up, that he will most likely be crippled in some way for the rest of his life. She’s going to let this woman suffer in the fact that she failed.

Tony looks cold and lifeless where he lays completely still on the hospital bed, pale even against the white sheets. The only indications that he is in fact not dead are the stead beeping of the monitor next to his head and the slow, almost hesitant, rise and fall of his chest. It’s unnatural how still and quiet he is. Pepper takes in a deep breath as she slowly lowers herself into the chair next to his bed.

“Hey, Tony.” It feels strange and wrong breaking the noisy rhythmic silence of the room, but she keeps talking. Pepper keeps her voice low and quiet still feeling bound to the quietness around her. “The police haven't said anything official about what they’re calling this… but it doesn’t matter either way.” She slides her hand into his, and feels her stomach turn when he doesn’t acknowledge it in any way. She’s so used to him always squeezing back. It’s so wrong how still he is. “I know you didn’t do it. Whatever they say, it doesn’t matter. I know you didn’t do it.”

To no great surprise, Tony doesn’t respond.

“I should have just stayed home with you,” Pepper chokes and tucks her head close to his side. She can feel warm tears beginning to press against her eyelids, and the persistent knot in the back of her throat begins to rise. “I’m so sorry, Tony.”

“Hey,” Rhodey says quietly announcing his presence as he sets a waiting room next to Pepper.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” Pepper mutters, mostly to herself.

“You don’t think he did it?” Rhodey says quietly, keeping his eyes trained on her. 

“No. I know he didn’t do it,” Pepper says firmly. “He didn’t have a gun with him, and I know that there wasn’t a gun in the apartment. Neither me nor Hope owns one. And on the off chance he was suicidal, he wouldn’t have gone out and got a gun and then come all the way back to the apartment.”

“You think someone broke in and shot him?” Rhodey asks softly.

“There was no sign of a break in,” Pepper says. “Whoever it was, he let them in.”

“Which means he probably knew them.”

“Yeah,” Pepper sighs and squeezes Tony’s hand once more. “Have you heard anything from the police yet?”

“No,” Rhodey says sullenly. “Last night they wanted to call it…”

Pepper nods knowingly before he can finish. “Did you believe them?”

Rhodey casts one lighting quick glance at Tony before returning his gaze to Pepper. “I didn’t want to. It made sense while also making no sense at all. It all just seems so much like the last time. He was completely fine, and then he wasn’t fine at all.”

“But this isn’t like the last time,” Pepper assures him. “Somebody did this to him.”

“I know.” 

There’s a quiet knock at the door and both Pepper and Rhodey turn their heads to see who it is. Pepper doesn’t remember much about the previous night, it’s all a haze of confusion and grief, but she still manages to recognize the woman standing in the doorway as detective Jones.

“Am I interrupting?” the detective asks politely.

Pepper glances over at Rhodey who shakes his head. “You’re not interrupting at all.”

“Would you two mind stepping into the hall? I have some news for you, but it’s probably best not to do it around him- you know, cause of the whole coma patients can hear you thing?” Jones says reverently.

“Sure,” Rhodey says as he stands up. He doesn’t does look back at Tony as he walks across the room to where the detective is standing. Pepper has a sneaking suspicion that he’s afraid to look at his friend, that it hurts him too much to see Tony like this again. “Pepper, are you coming?”

She hesitates, not wanting to leave Tony, but she needs to know what the detective found. She gently releases her grip on Tony’s hand and walks slowly across the room, sneaking a few forlorn glances back at him as she goes. It’s still so wrong seeing him like that.

“What did you find?” Rhodey asks as soon as all three of them are in the hallway. Pepper makes sure to stand where she can still see Tony.

“You were right,” Jones says gesturing toward Pepper. “He didn’t shoot himself.”

Rhodey lets out a breath next to her.

“Who did?” Pepper asks.

“His ex girlfriend, Sunset Bain.”

Anger hits Pepper like a wall and almost knocks the breath out of her. “How? There’s no way he would have even opened the door for her.”

“As a matter of fact, he let her.”

“ _ What? _ ” Pepper hisses, choking on her fury.

“We have the whole thing on security footage,” Jones explains. “She comes up and knocks on the door, he answers, they stand and talk for a few minutes then he lets her inside, and about ten minutes later she leaves.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, he wouldn’t just let her in. What did she say to him?”

“We couldn’t get that out of her, but she confessed to the whole thing,” Jones says quietly. “She’ll be spending a long time in prison. I’ll make sure of that.”

The detective's promise somehow doesn't comfort her. It doesn't matter if Sunset goes to prison _now. Now_ is too late to save Tony.


	17. Peonies

Pepper only leaves Tony’s side for the occasional run to the hospital cafeteria, bathroom break, and showers. Rhodey visits every day for an hour or so, Hope visits during her lunch breaks, and even Steve drops by once and leaves a nice vase of flowers. Three days into Pepper’s stay with Tony, Hope pulls some strings and manages to get moved to being his attending nurse. Pepper knows her roommate did it more for her sake than Tony’s.

* * *

“How are we doing today?” Hope asks as she pushes a small cart into Tony’s room.

“He’s not moving,” Pepper mumbles, not lifting her head from where it’s resting on the edge of Tony’s bed.

Hope sighs runs her hand down Pepper’s back. “How long are you going to stay here?”

“Until he gets better,” Pepper says quietly and adjusts her grip on his hand. She’ll stay right here with him for as long as it takes.

“I know you’ve become quite good at sleeping in one of those awful hospital chairs, but have you thought about getting real sleep in a real bed?”

“Not until he wakes up,” Pepper whispers hoarsely.

“You need real rest, Pepper. When he wakes up he’s going to need you to be functional.”

“I am functional,” Pepper says, sitting up. She can feel her back pop as she does so and winces a little.

“When was the last time you showered or brushed your teeth or even ate something?” Hope asks and grabs an IV bag off the cart.

Pepper frowns trying to remember. All of the days have blurred together into one big impossibly long one. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Can you even tell me how long it’s been since you’ve left this building?”

Pepper bites her lip. How ever long it’s been, it’s too long. Tony’s been stone still and silent for far too long.

“Look, my lunch break is coming up in about a half an hour, so here’s what I want you to do-”

“I’m not leaving him alone.”

“He won’t be,” Hope says kindly. “You go home during my lunch break, shower, wash up, take a nap, all that good stuff, and I’ll stay here with him. Yeah?”

“But-”

“I won’t leave his side until you get back. I promise. And if any change in his condition comes up, I’ll call you immediately, okay?”

Pepper sighs reluctantly. Hope’s right. She’s been here far too long, but it still seems so wrong leaving him. “You’ll tell me if  _ anything  _ happens? Even if his finger twitches a little?”

He hasn’t twitched once.

Hope smiles. “Even if it’s just a small finger twitch.”

“I don’t know,” Pepper mutters.

“Pepper please,” Hope says almost desperately. “It’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” Pepper agrees reluctantly. It still feels so wrong leaving him, but she trusts Hope to stay with him and make sure he’s safe.

Hope doesn’t breathe easily until Pepper finally hauls herself off the chair next to Tony’s bed and leaves the room. She can tell just by the way the woman moves that she doesn’t want to go, and Hope can’t really blame her.

“Okay Tony,” Hope says quietly as she sinks into the chair next to his bed. “I’m not really one for putting pressure on guys in comatose, but you really need to wake up soon. Pepper needs you to wake up, or at least show some sign of waking up.”

Tony doesn’t respond.

“She needs to know you’re going to be okay-”

“I’m surprised he’s not on life support. He was the last two times.”

Hope jumps at the sound of the gruff voice behind her.

“Can I help you?” she asks, turning to face the white haired man standing in the doorway. She recognizes him from the news, Howard Stark.

“Yeah, you can give me a moment with my son.”

There’s something unsettling about the way the man says this. It’s cold and harsh and uncaring like Tony is nothing more than some expendable possession.

“Sorry, I can’t do that,” Hope says firmly.

“I think you can, and I think you will,” the man replies sternly. “I have a right to some privacy with him.”

“And I’m his caregiver so I’m telling you I’m not going anywhere.”

“I can easily have you removed from that occupation and replaced with someone more compliant,” he growls.

“That will take time, and by the time my replacement has taken over, Pepper will be back and there will be no removing her from this room.”

“I think you underestimate my power young lady-”

“Don’t you  _ young lady  _ me! Old man!” Hope snaps. 

“Excuse me?” Tony’s father hisses coldly.

“Did you forget your hearing aid?”

Howard Stark turns a bright tomato red and his fists clench. “I’ll have you fired.”

“I really don’t think you will. My boss loves me, the other staff members love me, the patents all love me, so I think I’m going to be sticking around. You, on the other hand, should probably get going.”

Hope can almost see smoke coming out of the man’s ears. “That is my son and I have a right to see him.”

“Then be my guest,” Hope says cooly. “But I’m not going anywhere.”

The man growls something under his breath and walks into the room. He doesn’t sit down in the chair, instead he stands over Tony, like a dark shadow swallowing up the unconscious man.

“ _ Why  _ isn’t he on life support?”

“He doesn’t need it,” Hope says running the new IV line into the catheter. “He’s breathing on his own just fine.”

“How’d this happen?”

“He got shot in the head.”

“You’re sure he didn’t shoot himself? He’s tried stuff like that before you know?”

Hope clenches her jaws and mutters under breath. “I wonder why.”

“Did you say something?”

“Just that he didn’t shoot himself,” she gives Howard a fake smile. 

“Are you sure you didn’t say something else?” he asks cynically.

“Yes, sir.”

He glares at her.

Hope narrows her eyes at him in turn before turning and studying the heart monitor beeping away next to Tony’s head and notices the rise in his heart rate for the first time. She has no doubt that it’s because of the man standing over him.

“So did you just come here to mock your comatose son, or did you wanna say something nice to him after a week and a half of him being here?”

“I had a gap in my schedule, so I decided to drop by.”

“How unbelievably moving,” Hope snarks.

“Come again?”

“No. I think it’s time for you to go,” Hope says there’s yet another increase in Tony’s heart rate.

“Not until I tell him what I came here to say-”

“I’m pretty sure he already gets the message, you don’t care what happens to him.”

“No-”

“Sir, I will call security. You obviously don’t have any good intention by showing up here, so I’m going to ask you yet again to leave,” Hope threatens, and decides she might skip calling security and kick the man out herself.

“At least tell me who shot him.”

“Some woman named Bain, now get out!”

Howard scoffs. “He never did have the balls to stand up to her or anyone. No wonder this happened. I’m surprised he’s even strong enough to breathe on his own. Such a fucking disappointment you are, Tony!”

“GET OUT!” Hope shouts as Tony’s heart jumps up another two levels. “I will call security!”

Much to her relief the man turns and slinks out of the room muttering threats as he goes. 

“It’s okay Tony,” Hope whispers and grips the man’s hand in hers. “You’re okay. Everything’s okay. He’s gone now.”

Tony’s heart rate slowly sinks back to normal and Hope lets out a grateful sigh of relief. She decides  that Tony’s momentary change in heart rate doesn’t constitute putting in a call to Pepper. The woman needs some real rest and Hope knows that she’ll drop everything and come right back if Hope even mentions the change in Tony’s heart rate. She does, however, click the pager in her pocket to summon doctor Banner. People in a full state of being comatose usually don’t respond to outside stimulation the way Tony just did.

The first thing Pepper does when she wakes up is check her phone only to discover that she has four missed calls from Hope and the fear that she’d found a temporary release from comes twisting back around her making it hard to breathe. She sits on the edge of the bed for almost five minutes just staring at her phone screen with her finger hovering over the call back button. Part of her doesn’t even want to push it, she knows whatever it is, it’s probably not good, but there’s a slim chance it’s not too bad. If it was something horribly bad Hope would have just come home to tell her in person. Pepper finally swallows back the lump in her throat enough to call Hope back and actually speak.

“I was just about to call you again!” Hope says, answering the phone with more cheer in her voice than what Pepper was expecting.

“Is Tony okay?” Pepper asks quickly.

“Yeah, he’s fine- better than fine actually.”

“Is that why you called?” Pepper asks, hopping out of bed and pulling on her shoes with her one free hand, a tiny bit hope flaring up inside of her.

“He’s starting to show signs of waking up. I should have probably called you when it happened, but you’d just left and you needed sleep-”

“Hope! Just tell me what happened!” Pepper cries, too excited to even be mad at her friend for not calling.

“His dad came in,” Hope says sounding a little bit disgusted. “He was a nasty piece of work, but that’s not what’s important, what’s important is Tony’s reaction.”

“What do you mean his reaction?” Pepper asks, her heart skipping a beat with joy. He had a  _ reaction. _ Part of her hates that it was Howard who got a reaction out of him, but a reaction was still a reaction.

“Howard was being awful but I noticed the longer he was in the room the more Tony’s heart rate went up, which means he not only heard his dad, which I wish he hadn't, but he also reacted.”

“Which means he’s waking up!” Pepper says excitedly.

“Exactly! They’re taking him in for some brain scans right now, and they’ll hopefully give us some more good news.”

It seems like forever before the doctors are finally done running their tests and return Tony to his room. Pepper returns to his side as soon as she’s given the okay. He remains still as a stone as Pepper slides her hand back into his. She fights the feeling of discouragement twisting in her stomach. She knows her expectations for him to just wake up are too high, but she can’t stop them from being there, not with the new feeling of hope living inside of her.

“I’m back, Tony,” Pepper says gently as she rubs her thumb in a slow circle on Tony’s hand. 

His hand twitches slightly and at first Pepper thinks she imagined it, then his grip tightens around hers ever so much. 

“I’m right here,” she breathes as she rests her free hand against his cheek. “I’m right here, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

Tony’s head shifts slightly where it rests on the hospital pillow, and Pepper pulls his hand up to her lips, kissing it softly.

“Is he pulling out of it?” Pepper asks shifting her gaze toward Hope for only an instant before returning her eyes to Tony.

“His scans all showed signs of increased brain activity. If he doesn’t come out of it today, I’d say he probably will within the next few days,” Hope says as squeezes Pepper’s shoulder.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Pepper breathes and presses Tony’s hand against her cheek.

“I’m gonna go check on some other patients,” Hope says gently and slips out of the room.

Pepper can feel tears coming into her eyes as she sits in silence looking over Tony. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when Howard came by-"

“Pep?”

Pepper nearly chokes on the air leaving her body as Tony breathes out her name. It’s so quiet that it’s almost not even audible and his lips barely move, but it’s still the most beautiful sound Pepper has ever heard.

“Yes, it’s me. I’m right here,” Pepper chokes, squeezing his hand in hers. “I’m right here.”

The corner of Tony’s lip twitches into a smile and he grips her hand weakly. “My head hurts.”

“You’re gonna be fine.”

Tony opens his eyes a crack and squints at her. She can see a mix of pain and joy in them. “What happened?”

“You don’t remember?” Pepper asks slowly.

He shakes his head slightly.

“You got shot,” she says quietly. “It hit your head, but you’re gonna be okay.”

“Oh,” Tony says quietly, his voice somehow getting even more hoarse and broken. Tears come into his brown eyes and a look of misery comes into his gaze as he looks her in the eyes. “I did it, didn’t I?”

Pepper’s stomach drops and she finds herself unable to speak around the lump in the back of her throat. Of course he’d wake up from a gunshot wound to the head and instantly assume he did it to himself.

“I’m sorry I scared you.” His words are almost silent as he closes his eyes. “Don’t know why I’d do it… don’t wanna hurt you…”

The defeat in his near silent voice crushes Pepper’s heart.

“I’m sorry-”

“Tony, you didn’t do it.” Pepper finally manages to speak. “You didn’t do this.”

Tony opens his eyes again, confusion written all over his face. “I didn’t?”

“No,” Pepper says, trying to sound comforting, but she knows the quiver in her voice probably throws it off. “You didn’t do it, Tony.”

“Oh,” Tony mumbles as his eyes drift back closed again. He sighs heavily and doesn’t say anything else. 

Pepper smiles at him sadly and gently strokes his cheek. She hates how much he doesn’t trust himself. She’d known already that he doubted himself, but now… he genuinely believed he shot himself.


	18. Oak

“Pepper?” Tony says softly as he runs his fingers over the top of Pepper's hand, grabbing her attention away from the book she’s reading.

“Yeah?” Pepper replies turning her gaze to meet his. Moments with him awake are rare, for the past three days he’s been in and out of consciousness, only waking up for a few minutes at a time before falling back to sleep. Hope had told her it was normal, but Pepper had overheard two of the doctors talking and they aren't so sure it isn’t a permanent thing.

He tightens his grip on her hand nervously and shifts his weight in the bed so he’s looking right at her. “Who shot me?”

Pepper purses her lips, not sure what to say or even if she should tell him.

“Pepper, please,” Tony says pleadingly. “I can’t remember any of it.”

“Are you sure?” Pepper asks quietly.

Tony nods his head.

“It was... Sunset,” Pepper says reluctantly.

“Oh.” Is all Tony says and is silent for a long time as he sits stewing in his own confusion. Pepper can see the turmoil in his gaze as he sits in silence, probably running through all the possible scenarios for what had happened. “How’d she get in the apartment? Or was I even in the apartment?”

Pepper swallows hard her mind looping back, yet again, to the mystery of that night,  _ why would he let her in?  _

“You let her in, Tony,” Pepper says as gently as she can. She wishes that he could remember at least why he let his abusive ex girlfriend into the apartment.

“Why would I do that,” he chokes surprise and even more confusion battling it out in his eyes. “She’s not- I would have just closed the door in her face.”

Pepper shakes her head. “The whole thing was on the camera in the hallway, Tony.”

“But…” Tony protests weakly and sits up a little before flopping back in frustration. “It doesn’t make sense. Why would she even come to me in the first place?” 

“Because you’re a good person,” Pepper says softly. “From the camera footage, you could tell she was afraid of something,” Pepper recalls, thinking back to the security footage the police had shown her one of the days she’d been sitting idle at Tony’s bedside. “I think you were trying to help her.”

Tony just frowns and remains silent, shaking his head absently. He pushes his head farther back against the pillow and groans. Pepper can’t tell if it’s a groan of pain or frustration or, more likely, both. “Why can’t I remember? I can remember everything else.”

“Maybe it’s a good thing you can’t remember,” Pepper tries and rests her hand against his cheek.

“Why would it be a good thing?” Tony demands, frustration very evident in his tone.

“Do you really want someone shooting you in the head playing on a loop in your head?” Pepper asks answering his question with a question.

“I guess not,” Tony replies, not meeting her eyes. “But I still wish I could remember what she wanted.”

“Whatever it was, it was probably just a ploy to get you to let her in”

Tony sighs and closes his eyes. “You’re probably right Pepper. I just wish I hadn’t been so stupid.”

“Tony, you can’t possibly think this is your fault!” Pepper protests, knowing full well he can and will blame himself.

“I let her in Pep. I might as well have pulled the trigger myself-”

“No, Tony,” Pepper says sharply. He seems to ignore her as he turns his head away from her. “Hey, look at me.” He obeys reluctantly. “You did something kind. It’s not your fault she took advantage of that and shot you-”

“How do you know that? How do you that’s what I was doing? How do you know I didn’t call her to hook up?”

“Did you?” Pepper says bluntly. Knowing full well that he didn’t.

“No! I love you, I’d never betray you, Pepper.” 

“Then there’s your answer, Tony. She came to you for help or something and you tried to give it to her. It’s not your fault that she turned around and shot you.”

Tony closes his eyes and doesn’t say anything else.

Pepper lets out a frustrated sigh and leans forward to kiss his cheek.


	19. Thyme

“How’s he doing today?” Rhodey asks, slipping into Tony’s hospital room. He wishes more than anything that he could stay with his friend as much as Pepper did, but Carol and Harley both need him around.

“He’s getting there,” Pepper says with a little more optimism in her voice than Rhodey is used to hearing from her and brushes Tony’s cheek with her hand. “He’s getting a little better at staying awake for more than ten minutes.”

“Do the doctors think this is a permanent thing?” He inquires as he sits down on the edge of Tony’s bed.

“They don’t know,” Pepper replies. “But they did say he can go home at the end of the week and start physical therapy.”

“What does he need PT for?” Rhodey asks, feeling increasingly worse for not being able to make it to the hospital for a few days due to the incredibly busy court schedule.

“Voluntary muscle movement.” Rhodey jumps, not expecting Tony to be the one to answer. “Apparently my brain still has the full capability to tell my legs how to work, it just doesn’t want to.”

“I’m sorry man,” Rhodey says resting one hand on Tony’s knee.

“Nah,” he shrugs. “I learned to walk once, I can do it again. Plus,” Tony shows off a cheeky grin, which is the happiest Rhodey has seen him since he woke up, “I’m really going to enjoy making you and Pepper push me around in a wheelchair for the next few weeks.”

“And what makes you so sure we won’t make you wheel yourself around?” Pepper jokes.

“My depth perception is down the drain,” Tony says frankly. “You two love me too much to let me run into walls.”

“Your depth perception?” Rhodey asks, more guilt settling deep in his gut. He should have been here for those tests. He should’ve been with him every step of the way.

“Yeah, that little piece of led screwed shit up,” Tony says flatly. “But on the bright side, your favorite look will be coming back.”

“My favorite look?”

“The glasses are coming back,” Tony replies giving Rhodey a playful smile.

“Wait coming back?” Pepper pipes up. “You didn’t tell me you used to wear glasses.”

“It was a dark time I try not remember,” Tony says somberly.

“Pepper, don’t listen to him. He looks stunning in glasses.”

“He always looks stunning,” Pepper says giving Tony’s hand a firm squeeze. Tony beams at her with a look of pure joy and Rhodey wonders if they know just how in love they are. He can practically feel their love for each other crackling in the air.

“Anything else I need to know about?” Rhodey asks, hoping desperately that he didn’t miss anything else.

“That’s it,” Tony says. “No other surprises.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” Rhodey says sincerely.

“It’s okay Rhodey,” Tony says and sits up a little. “I know it’s hard for you to see me in the hospital like this again, and I know how busy the life of a lawyer can be.”

“I should have been here more though,” Rhodey replies.

“You’re here now,” Tony says fondly and pats his hand. “That’s what matters, plus it was only two days.”

“Thanks, Tones,” Rhodey replies, still feeling guilty about not visiting in two days, but he decides to let Tony’s words comfort him.

* * *

  
_“And there was no abusive boyfriend, was there?” Tony says bluntly and turns to face the woman sitting across the small room from him. Everything seems so familiar, the room, the woman, even the conversation. It’s all full of lies and hate and foolish past actions._

_The woman shakes her head bitterly. “You’re still as naive and gullible as the day I met you.”_

_Tony nods his head weakly before speaking again. He’s not sure, even in a dream if this is indeed a dream, why he would trust Sunset again. “You need to leave.”_

_It seems like the logical thing to say. She’s here in his head and he doesn’t want her here, so he should just tell her to leave. He wants to be done thinking about her forever. He needs her to stop haunting his every step and movement around a world full of reminders, reminders of her horrors. She’s made it so he doesn’t even feel at home in his own home, let alone New York._

_“And you should have chosen me.”_

_As what feels like cold metal, or maybe the memory of it, presses against his head everything comes flooding back in right before the bang that rattles his bones and launches him from his sleep._

Pepper is jolted awake by a panicked cry from Tony. She turns the light on quickly to discover him sitting bolt upright next to her clutching one hand over the scar left behind from the bullet entering his skull and staring panic stricken at the far wall. His breath is coming in long panicked gasps and each one seems to make him flinch.

“Tony?” Pepper whispers softly touches his shoulder gently.

“She did it Pep,” he chokes, not taking his eyes off the wall. “She put the gun against my head and shot me.”

“You’re okay Tony,” Pepper soothes and gently grabs his hand that’s still clutching his shaved head.

“She shot me because I wouldn’t run away with her…”

“Tony-”

“I remember all of it,” he gasps and turns his wide eyes to Pepper. “It won’t stop Pep.”

“What won’t?” Pepper asks, already knowing the answer. She’d been afraid of him remembering, of him having the constant memory of someone putting a gun to his head and shooting him.

“Make it stop,” Tony sobs and buries his head in her chest. “Make it stop, please.”

“Shhh,” Pepper breathes and wraps her arms around him. “It’s okay. You’re safe now. I’m right here. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.”

Tony continues crying and keeps his hands wrapped around the not yet healed scars on his head. “You were right, not remembering was better…”

“You’re going to be okay, Tony,” Pepper promises. “It’ll be okay.”

“I can’t stay here,” Tony says quietly, sucking in a breath.

“Okay,” Pepper says understandingly. They’d both decided it was probably best not to go back to her apartment. There was still a stain on the floor. Even Hope, who was in love with it decided she wanted to move out. She is, however, a little surprised that Tony wants to leave his nice little apartment. “We can look for new ones tomorrow-”

“Not just the apartment,” Tony says slowly. “New York too.”

“Oh,” Pepper says quietly.

“I can’t stay here,” he says again, this time looking up at her apologetically, tears still streaking down his face. “If you don’t want to leave with me-”

“I’m going with you,” Pepper says, not giving him a chance to finish his sentence.

“I just- so much has happened to me in this city. I see my mom in every store and then I feel Sunset lurking in every shadow, and I struggled before, but now it’s worse and it will only get even more so. I need to find somewhere new. Somewhere to make new _good_ memories with. Somewhere the past isn’t haunting me.”

Pepper smiles down at him and cups a hand around his cheek. “I’m with you every step of the way.”

Tony leans his head to the side and presses his soft lips against the palm of her hand. “Thank you Pepper.”

“You could become a mechanic,” Pepper says softly, remembering what he said to her the second time they’d met.

“Maybe I will.”


	20. Anemone

“How many days until you and your girlfriend move upstate?” Dr. Cho asks as Tony takes a few wobbly steps toward her.

“Don’t distract me. I’m concentrating,” Tony grunts, keeping his eyes trained on his feet. One foot in front of the other, just one at a time, that’s all he has to do. One step at a time.

“Did you used to concentrate this much on moving your legs?” Cho asks.

“No, but it’s different now,” Tony hisses and almost falls down but manages to steady himself. Walking used to be easy, barely even something that required concentration.

“Then a little distraction should be necessary. It’ll help your brain not need to be using its full focus on moving your legs.”

“It’s just… difficult,” Tony says, returning his focus to his shaking legs. One step at a time.

“So, what’s the time frame?”

“We leave in a week,” he says and manages another shaky step forward, he’s almost to his wheelchair.

“Remember to try and let yourself relax. Walking is a relaxing thing.”

“I’m trying,” he whines as he takes his last step before letting himself flop down on the wheelchair.

“You said it’s by a lake right?” Cho asks.

“Yeah,” Tony says with a pant. 

“I have a few aquatic exercises I can give you to do on warm days,” Cho says. “They’re nice and easy but excellent for getting used to moving again. It’ll be similar to the stuff we do here, just a little less demanding.”

“Whatever you say doc,” Tony says with a sigh and leans his head back. Aquatic leg days are infinitely better than dry land leg days. It’s infinitely easier to fall into a movement pattern in the water than it is on land. Sadly he can’t swim everywhere.

“You’ll be on your feet in no time,” Cho says kindly. “You’re already getting better faster than expected.”

“When I get to the cane stage can I get a sword cane?” Tony asks, half joking. A sword cane would be cool.

“You can get whatever kind of cane you want,” Cho replies giving him a pat on the shoulder. “For now it’s probably best that you stick with the wheelchair though.”

“I know that,” Tony says and tries to hide the agitation in his voice. The wheelchair had been for about a day and a half. Now he hates it. It restricts pretty much everything he does, it even makes going to the bathroom a whole lot more work than it should be. He wants to be on his feet again.

* * *

Pepper can feel Tony flinch next to her on the couch as someone out in the hallway drops something making a loud bang. 

“Easy,” she says quietly wraps herself around him in a warm hug before pulling the couch blanket over them. “It was just someone dropping something.”

“I know,” Tony says with a sigh and leans his head against her chest. “It just startled me.”

Everything startles him since he’d woken up from the dream that had so cruelly reminded him exactly what had happened when he got shot. He’d even dropped a book once and startled himself, car horns have the same effect, and action movies are completely out of the question. A door slams somewhere across the hall of the apartment building and Tony lets out a quiet sound of protest before nestling closer to Pepper. She can feel his body shaking against hers.

“Pep, I feel like I need a drink,” Tony whispers, terror creeping into her voice.

Pepper sighs, she can’t blame him for wanting to crack, she couldn’t even blame him if he did crack. He’s been through hell and back a few too many times. She decides if he does relapse, she won’t be mad at him.

“It’ll be okay Tony,” Pepper replies and gently massages the back of his neck. “I know it’s hard, and I know this hurts-”

“It’s scary,” Tony interrupts. “I hear something remotely loud and I think I’m going to die, Pepper. I literally have to tell myself I’m okay and that no one shot me again. Everything is dialed to eleven and I just need something to help me relax.”

“You know alcohol isn’t going to do that,” Pepper replies quietly.

“It might,” Tony chokes.

“But in the long run?”

Tony looks away from her. “I guess, you were right about the whole remembering thing, you're probably right about this too.”

“Tony, remember when I said I'm with you every step of the way with this? I meant it,” Pepper says reassuringly. "We'll get you through this."

"I hope so, Pep," Tony says weakly. "I don't want to go back... I just- I need to relax."

"Then relax," Pepper says sliding her hands up his cheeks until they're running through the tufts of hair starting to grow back in on his head. She can feel his scars under her fingers, but he doesn't flinch at the touch. "I promise you everything will be okay, Tony." She draws his head close to her so it's resting against her chest once more. "Relax sweetie. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

The tension in Tony's body relaxes ever so slightly as he leans in closer to her. He only has to make a little while longer.


	21. Yarrow

The house in the country works wonders, and for the first time in his life, Tony experiences the true meaning of being relaxed. The air is fresh and pure, and no dark memories creep in the shadows like they did in the city. Here it’s all fresh and new and the wind and water seem to chase his nightmares away. Some nights he skips bed altogether and sleeps on the hammock strung between two trees outside. More often than not Pepper joins him and they rest together under the stars listening to the small waves of the lake lap the shore and wind rustle the leaves of the trees above their heads. Tony’s nightmares fade to distant memories, only sometimes, rarely, presenting themselves in their bloody horrors, but when he wakes he knows he’s safe and very far from the pain of his past.

“Tony?” Pepper says from where she has her head rested against his chest.

“Hmm?” Tony replies looking up at the sky.

“I love you,” she says softly and tilts her head up just enough to kiss his chin.

“I love you too, Pep.” He leans his head forward and kisses the top of her head.

She smiles as she sits up and slides her fingers through his hair as she returns his kiss. He can feel her fingers brush against the scars hidden under his hair, but he doesn’t mind, just like he doesn’t mind when she traces her fingers over the scar on his chest. There’s something calming about how gentle her touch is around his old wounds.

Tony looks up into her warm blue gaze. He’s in love with her. Nothing will ever change that and he doesn’t want anything to ever change that. He wants to spend the rest of his life with this woman who somehow managed to save him from the demons dragging him under.

“Pepper,” he says. He can feel himself smiling ear to ear as he sits up more.

“Yeah?” the twinkle in her eyes tells him she already knows what he’s going to say. He’s not sure how, but she definitely knows.

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Pepper says, tears welling in her eyes. “Yes, I’ll marry you!”

Tony’s heart skips a beat as she presses her lips against his yet again. Tony silently thanks his mother for her gift. When it had first happened he’d hated it and wished he’d just died instead. But now, now he’s truly grateful for his second chance, and his third chance, and his fourth chance. He’s grateful for the heart beating in his chest. He’s grateful for the gift of love his mother gave, the gift he now gets to give to Pepper.


	22. Epilogue

Morgan frowns as she discovers she’s finished coloring the last blank page in her sketchbook. Just to be on the safe side she decides to flip through it one last time just to double check. With no great surprise, she finds no blank pages of paper, so she gathers her markers and goes off in search of her father who is very good at finding her things to do.

“Daddy!” Morgan calls as she walks confidently into the living room.

“What do you need sweetie?” he asks looking up from his book.

“I’m bored. I used all my paper,” she explains, eyeing the book in his hands. It has lots of paper in it. She can tell.

“Do you wanna come sit on my lap and I’ll read to you?” her dad offers.

“Can’t I just use a paper out of your book to draw on?”

He chuckles a little and much to Morgan’s disappointment he shakes his head. “Not this book, no. this is a book for reading, not drawing.”

“How can you tell?” Morgan asks inquisitively. All books are meant to have pretty pictures in them, and she draws the prettiest pictures. Both her mommy and her daddy told her that.

“Come here and I’ll show you,” he replies beckoning to her. Morgan doesn’t turn down the opportunity to sit with him. She runs over and climbs into his lap, making sure to keep a firm grip on the markers in her hands.

“It looks like I can draw on it,” Morgan points out as she looks at the book. There’s black print on the pages, but she can definitely work around that.

“See how there are words on the pages? That means the book is all used up and shouldn’t draw in it.”

“But I  _ can  _ draw in it.”

Her dad sighs. “Yes, technically you can do the physical act of drawing in it, but you shouldn’t.”

“Why not?” Morgan demands.

Her dad thinks for a minute. “Well, think about it like this, would you want someone coming along and drawing all over your art?”

“No,” Morgan says firmly. 

“So this book has someone’s art in it so you shouldn’t draw all over it.”

“But it’s just black blobs.”

“Black blobs with meaning,” her father corrects.

“But I still don’t have anything to draw on,” Morgan whines.

“What if I read to you instead of you drawing? We can go get you some new paper tomorrow, yeah?”

Morgan sighs with disappointment. “Fine.”

She very quickly loses interest in the story her dad is reading. It’s a lot of big words she doesn’t understand yet, so she turns her attention to the blank canvas that is her dad’s arm and the odd light slightly elevated line of skin running a good way up his forearm. It looks a little out of place against the darker skin around it. She decides to fix it. She takes a cap off her green marker and runs it along the long mark, thinking it will make a lovely flower stem. She quickly adds a few little leaves on the sides of it before finally drawing the head of a sunflower at the top with her yellow and brown markers. It’s not until she’s almost done making blue squiggles around it for the sky that she realizes her dad is no longer reading. He’s watching her with an unreadable expression.

“What are you doing kiddo?” He asks slowly as she puts the cap back on her blue marker. There’s a quiver in his voice that she’s never heard before.

“It looked kinda weird, so I decided to make it pretty,” Morgan explains. “Isn’t it pretty now?”

A smile spreads across her dad’s face. “Yes Morgan, it’s beautiful. You made it very pretty. Thank you.”

Tony decides as he looks at his child’s picture drawn over the scar on his arm that it is indeed beautiful. The scar shouldn’t be there, and it’s horrible how it got there, but its current existence is a gift. Like all the scars on his body, it’s a sign that he survived, and now it’s a sunflower too.


End file.
